This blog has been focusing on hope quite a bit, as you know. Solid, sure hope. Hope in a certain Someone, not just anyone and certainly not in circumstances! It doesn't just happen. It is a choice to trust that One who is trustworthy.
I enjoy the comics. On occasion one will really reverberate with me and then I clip it out of the paper. I came across such a one years ago. I don't remember which series it was and even though it is probably in one keepsake box or another, it doesn't warrant a hunt. There was a funny little character that usually appeared each day. On this particular day, in the first frame, he was standing before a forest just looking around with a conductor's baton in his hand and in the second and final scene he had raised the baton with the effect of drawing music out from everywhere. He was looking over his shoulder to address the audience with the comment, "It is there, you just need to know how to find it."
Very optimistic. Often very difficult and now and then impossible! Unless we have help. Divine help.
Life is tough and on my own I know I have enough trouble just staying afloat in face of some of the crazy things that seem to come along! What a joy and comfort that it isn't dependent upon my own strength. When I am weak, He is strong! I choose to trust in the One who has proved Himself trustworthy over and over.
The ride continues. The days have been full and fuller. I don't wear well. That is simply the way it is. Sure Papa gives me the strength to make it through, but He also lets me wear a little thin to reveal a few things to me. What just occurred to me is that I am up to my old habits!
What habits might they be? Packing my day full to the brim; not thinking through just how long something will take to accomplish and committing to more than can comfortably fit in a day.
I abhor rushing. Going from one activity to another is not for me! Good thing too, as my God has shown me that it is crucial to stay in the moment and to learn to just "be".
I thought I had learned those lessons! Obviously, not completely!
The most tiring part of my day is visiting my husband. It doesn't matter whether it is a good day or not, the emotions run high and that is very wearing.
My man had a full day also. The trach ended up coming out this morning before any of his usual therapy. Matt and I arrived in time for ST during which we all went to the library and Ray was able to sit before a computer for the first time in eight weeks!! It took some time to get him in position with the keyboard and mouse within his reach, but he was then able to recognize Internet Explorer and click on the icon. My honey could not remember what his email was or his password, but insisted upon putting the wrong one in over and over.
PT was very encouraging! He walked with a hemi-walker, which is about half the width of a typical walker. The therapist braced him from the left and Ray held the walker on the right. He walked about twenty feet - twice!
Next week PT will begin to include the pool!! I need to dig out his swimming trunks!
During our visit we spoke with his physician and her PA. We told them that we had added another rehabilitation facility to the list. Their response was that they were not sure that he would need one, but were working on a few different ideas for him!!
This evening I received a call from the hospital. It seems my husband was calling me! Another first in eight weeks!
They transferred the call and I heard his voice. He just wanted to check in and say hello. He remembered my telling him that I wasn't coming tomorrow, but that he would see me on Saturday. Very good! Then he said that he would need to find his phone so he could check the ferry schedule!! So we're back to that ferry, are we?!
On another note, I heard from the officer who was handling the accident. He informed me that he had closed the case and had given the other driver a citation. The citation was for "failure to yield from a private drive." It didn't sound right somehow. It sounds so lame in face of what happened to my husband. If we were to hear that someone had gotten such a ticket, it wouldn't sound so serious, would it?
How about a ticket citing how so many lives have been so deeply affected; one life critically so. Isn't it sobering to realize how one seemingly small action can have such a huge impact? How often are we preoccupied or distracted as we drive? Ever suddenly realize that you have no recollection of how you got somewhere? We are so accustomed to driving from point A to point B that we give little conscious thought to the activity.
This experience has made me acutely aware of how important it is to be focused when I am driving. I use to enjoy driving, not so much these days. Just another example of how weak I am. Just another opportunity to rely on my strong God.