Some days reality hits harder than others. This was one of those days. Searching for a word to describe where Ray and I find ourselves today sobering comes to mind. This is not going to be over anytime very soon.
Oh yes, our God could raise him up this very moment. That He could and sometimes He does just that for a person. What I sense though is He is building something that is going to take time. He is building character, He is conforming us to His image. I can remember asking Him to do just that on many different occasions. I had no idea what I was asking, not really.
Would I take those words back, if I could? No. I surely would like to, but I know better. What do I know better? My God. He is trustworthy and far wiser than I. Actually, He is the source of all wisdom.
So, Papa, have Your way.
This morning, as I sat with my God and journaled what He brought to mind, I wrote "God first - God empowered!" What spurred this thought was a commentary by David Jeremiah in his devotional, "Sanctuary." What did those words I wrote down mean to me? If I seek God first, if I begin my day with Him, then I will have His power to face and go through the day. Power to live, not just survive. Power to make a difference in those around me. His power flowing through me to envelop and bless others.
Each of Ray's days are such tangles of victory and defeat. It would be too easy to see only defeat. In God's power and grace we can acknowldege the defeats and then rejoice in the victories.
What defeats did today hold? Concern that there is nerve damage which is causing the lack of feeling and movement in his left arm and hand. Continued dizziness that is hindering the PT.
What victories did we see today? Ray's voice is stronger! The trach is capped off! The greatest victory was in the spiritual realm.
Today when I asked Ray if we could pray, not only did he agree, but led off in prayer. What did he pray? "LORD, may Your goodness be seen through all that we are going through!"
So there I was seeking to bless my husband and he was blessing me!! I hope that you, too, are blessed!!