"Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Psalm 61:1
This scripture stirred my heart this morning.
"Climb onto the Rock!" is what I heard.
I thought I do and have already!
This message came to me again after I began the ride of dizzying emotions this afternoon.
On my drive to visit Ray I was enjoying some praise music. Then I rounded a corner and the sight that met me brought a wave of sorrow to my heart and tears to my eyes.
A man was cutting his grass. His back was to me as he pushed his lawnmower over his lawn. This scene was a very familiar one to me. I cannot count how many times I have seen Ray doing this chore, but it wasn't the activity as much as the man himself that evoked the strong emotions. His back was broad and both it and his arms were strong, just like my husband's - were. It is the "were" that made me sad.
It probably is a bit jarring to see your spouse weaken with age gradually, however when it happens suddenly or prematurely, jarring doesn't cover it! This thought surfaced again while I was with Ray. I had to help him move from his chair to the commode. Holding him, feeling his weeakness seeing his lack of muscle tone and his struggle to move himself into position isn't the easiest thing to experience.
Sometimes this being present; being in the moment, stinks!
Such is life. It is what it is, but so are my emotions. I try to take all of it as it comes. Not alone, of course. That would not work well, nor end well!
I continue to be working my way through Exekiel and thus far can summarize it this way: Knowing God and realizing that you are known by God is the main thing! Dozens of verses in the book tell us that God's desire is to be known for who He is. This knowing goes beyond acknowledging who He is to being intimately acquainted with Him.
Knowing Him, really knowing Him means that we can be confident that we are secure in His Hands. To know Him is to know His character and knowing this we can entrust all of this messy life to Him and know we can "let it all hang out"!
Nothing takes Him by surprise, so I figure I might as well admit what's going on with me. I find it cathartic. Speaking out loud what is in my heart seems to release the burden.
During Ray's and my time together we had the opportunity to be alone. We seized the moment and prayed together. He was burdened over the place he finds himself in, yet again said basically, "Yet, not my will, but Yours be done."
During conversation I told him that I imagine that part of his struggle is because he is not one to sit still. He is a do-er. He nodded.
It is my prayer that my honey would learn to "be" and that the lesson would be one he retains even once he is physically strong once again.
Papa is always talking to me about my identity. It is very easy to let a position or role become who I am, but it is always a lie. I am and always will simply be Abba's (Papa's) child!
Something I read today stated that in the Bible we receive marching orders from the LORD. Okay... It does tell us how to live, but if we take that as a list to follow, we miss something crucial. Scripture in its entirety is a big love letter from the Lover of our souls. When I read it from that perspective it becomes a gift versus a burden.
As I go deeper in my love relationship with my God, my heart desires to please Him and His Spirit empowers me to do so. Actually, His Spirit does it! (1 Thessaonians 5:24)
You know what this means? Ah, we can just be ourselves. We can live aware that He not only is with us, but indwells us. We carry the Living God with us! As we live in Him and He in us, He is free to flow through us to touch hearts and lives, often without a word!
We can know for sure that He does hear our cries and is the Rock that is the foundation of our lives.
This truth makes life worth living, junk and all.