Friday, August 27, 2010

Two days, two very full days, to go...and then....
Papa alone knows.
He has carried us thus far and isn't about to drop us now.
Yes, carrying everyone of us, without any fanfare, simply with grace.
He has such style.
I, for one, am so very privileged to have been given the gift to be able to see His Hand.
There has been so much evidence.

Wednesday was a day of planning; so many details. Who could I ask to stay with Ray all day Thursday so I could be with my sisters?
An offer came via the phone before I could ask the question! Papa had it in hand.
Surprisingly, Matthew had no work for Friday, so he was available to stay home with his dad. Matt commented that Papa is obviously handling his schedule. :)

Two big details taken care of with no effort on my part. So I could relax, right?
Not so easy when one discovers on Thursday morning that a couple of prescriptions needed renewing and refilling immediately. How'd I miss these important details? Easily, unfortunately.
The challenge was to find someone who would write them. Our appointment is Monday. No doctor is willing to write anything without seeing the patient first. The medication had been prescribed by the doctor at Glendale. It took a couple of calls to the facility to get someone to agree to issue these necessary scripts.

As I was trying to tie up all the loose ends, my husband needed attention too. For the first time I felt a little annoyed with all the attention he was needing.

I was scheduled to take the 12:30 ferry and my departure time was nearing.
My stress level was high. I think the underlying problem was that I felt like I was doing a poor job of taking care of my sweetie's needs.

The ride to the ferry with a dear friend helped me decompress and then a little talk with Papa settled me back down.

Since disembarking the ferry it has felt surreal at times. What were we doing at a funeral home? Where was Sara? That can't be her in that coffin!
That night we spent at the funeral home; it was the first night of the wake. About seven hundred people came through.
Papa, of course, was in attendance.
So much love. Such a gift. Family. Friends, many just like family. Sara's colleagues, former students and their parents, all had been impacted by her.
So many memories, good memories. Numerous poster boards covered with pictures.
Relationships renewed; healing and forgiveness were in evidence.
At one point I realized that Papa had lifted a very old hurt from my heart, something that I hadn't thought of in a long time, and replaced it with love for the individual. A love that stirs a desire to have this person in my life.
Believe me, this is a very big deal!

Tomorrow is the funeral. It will be a long and difficult day. There will be many long and difficult days to follow for all whose lives were interwoven with Sara's. My sister has lost her only child and best friend. She will need to be held close.
Sara's husband, Tim, has not come to anything, but instead has isolated himself. He has cheated himself out of the love and strength that was waiting for him. I believe he thinks he is not worthy to receive any of it. Though no one has been able to reach him, I know Papa can. He alone knows how to reach this hurting man.

Tonight Matt packed his father into the car, picked his older brother, Eric, up at the airport, drove to the Bridgeport ferry and has now arrived at his brother Jonathan's place. Jon's apartment is amazingly equipped with a stair chair!! This makes it the most logical place for Ray to stay. He had to come, Sara was the apple of his eye.

Papa has blessed Ray and I with wonderful sons. We regularly thank Him!

Though tomorrow will deepen our grief in some ways, I know that the God of all comfort will carry us through. May all avail themselves of all He offers!

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