Sunday, August 29, 2010

Thursday morning in response to second Corinthians, chapter four, verses sixteen through eighteen, I wrote the following in my journal:
"In light of eternity, which holds the "weight of glory" these trials are brief and light. If both the trials and the glory were put on scales the trials would hold no weight at all."
Three days later, do I feel the same way? I do.
Oh, my heart is broken and throughout my day tears come suddenly. Pictures appear in my mind's eye. Pictures I will never forget; pictures that wrench my heart.

Sara's cousins, which included three of my sons, looking so solemn, lifting Sara's coffin; each with one hand across their chest, carrying it to the hearse.
Sara at three months old laying on our bed that was covered with numerous baby blankets, being posed for the camera that Uncle Ray held.
The line of family and friends at the gravesite placing a flower on top of the coffin, with the last one being my sister, Sara's mother, Chris. She placed her flower and then she bowed forward with both her hands on her precious daughter's casket. Bowed down with grief, a sob escaping her lips.
Sara's garden filled with black-eyed Susan's. Did I ever tell her that they are not only my favorite flower, but also my grandmother's, her great-grandmother's?

If I did not believe and know that my God keeps His promises and that He is loving, the grief would be too much to bear. The greatest comfort is that it is not up to me to find the strength, but just to look to Him. He is all I or anyone else needs and He waits for us to turn to Him. He promises never to leave or forsake His own.

Friday night I had the opportunity to share my thoughts. I had anticipated saying something on Saturday and planned to write my thoughts down that night, but the way opened and Papa sent me forth. What a joy to be able to rely upon Him for the words.
I do not know all I said, but do know it was from my heart and Papa's.

My beautiful niece is an amazing woman. I speak in the present because she has not ceased to exist, but has just changed her residency. I do know that I told those in attendance that I was there to celebrate her life.
Our cherished family members and friends are around us day in and day out. We rarely stop to truly reflect on all they are. Certainly we have cause to pause at particular moments, but not often enough!
As I reflect on Sara, I realize that one of her gifts was that she envisioned a future for everyone who crossed her path. Whether it was one of her students, a friend or a family member she was always encouraging them and us to stretch and be all we could be. She saw everyone as individuals. I believe that her husband, Tim, would agree. She has been his cheerleader since day one.

A number of others spoke also, including a teacher whose class was one where Sara student taught. She is a gifted teacher and demonstrated that on her third day with him!

I have this thought of Sara as the mother hen of our family. She was always brooding over one or another, concerned that each one would be making the right choices. Over the years she had expressed concern or approval over whoever her cousins were dating. She had recently told our son Jonathan that his girlfriend was a keeper and he'd have to answer to her if he messed the relationship up!
Even a few days before she left us, as she laid in her hospital bed, she expressed concern for one of her cousins to his mother. She wanted her aunt to just check things out to make sure he was making good choices!

Yes, there is a big hole in my heart. Not only over the loss of such a vibrant, talented, caring, young woman, but for my sister. It is my heart's longing that she come to experience Papa not only as her Redeemer and Comforter, but as her friend. Papa give my beloved sister a glimpse of the "weight of glory" and I know that this terrible trial will be lightened in time.

On the Reynolds' home front we face a week of doctor appointments and setting up of outpatient physical therapy. We go to a doctor tomorrow armed with a list of questions. We need to decide which PT facility will benefit Ray the most. It is between Gaylord, which we know is wonderful and ACCESS. The latter is located next to Kaynor Tech and would certainly be more convenient.

My honey is a bit worn out after this weekend, but still is gaining strength. I cannot remember if I reported that he moved all his fingers on his left hand! We have many quesitons for the doctor regarding this hand and arm.

Ray's presence at the funeral encouraged many. One after another came up to him to express their joy at how well he is recovering.
It is our desire to encourage all we meet along the way.
Today, as I read the first thirty-four verses in the fifteenth chapter of First Corinthinians, I prayed that my LORD would make sure that no one in my life would be able to say that they "had no knowledge of Christ."
Many told me that they were given hope through my words on Friday night. I hope so, as I desire to be His fragrance bearer wherever I go and His fragrance is exquisite!

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