Haven't arrived yet!

Tuesday found me uneasy.  Between Papa and a dear friend I was able to relax a good bit. 
Yet there was still something going on in the background.
Another word from another bosom-buddy brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face!
As this morning got rolling the dis-ease was trying to take hold again.  Upon checking my email I found a word of encouragement from kindred-spirit Kathy.  It really was from Papa, but He just let her write for Him!
My God is so loving and so gracious!!

What is the source of my uneasiness? 
I am speaking tonight at the annual dinner for a local ministry that is near and dear to both Ray's and my heart.  The words have been coming from the LORD God for months.  As always I am simply his secretary.
So what is the problem? 
The enemy of my soul.  He is always trying to revive old insecurities.  He loves to throw a few doubts out whenever I step out in faith.

For years I was very self-conscious and very insecure. 
Not so much anymore.
Yet, I am not invulnerable to those old tapes.  After all I lived many years believing their messages!
When they do arise, it is an opportunity to lean harder into my God.  He is always right here and always willing to be leaned upon!  I just have to remember to lean!

The thoughts that have been coming at me question my ability and the message I plan to bring tonight.

Who are you to think you can stand before anyone as a speaker?  Remember who you are?!
Now I am Papa's child and my validity and worth are found in Him!  The past is the past; I am no longer that person!

Are you sure that this is the correct message?  I don't think this is what people will be expecting!
I tried to steer in a different direction myself, to no avail!  He kept confirming the message where ever I turned!

That is my story and I'm sticking to it! 

This reminds me of a line from old time hymn that often plays in my heart and mind.

"This is my story, this is my song...
Praising my Savior all the day long...."

Yes, it is all about Him.  It isn't my concern, nor my business how the message is received.  All I need do is obey. 
Another chorus just came to mind.  I will end with it!

"Learning to lean

Learning to lean,

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus."