The internet was out last night, so when I awoke after half an hour's sleep and felt compelled to get my thoughts down I had to settle for my journal for the moment. There were many of them to document. Here's what I wrote.
The specialist, who did the EMG on Ray's arm, called me Saturday afternoon. She said I was on her mind, so she had to call. Thank You, Papa!
She and her team hold no hope for recovery of that left arm. Out of all the areas that were tested only one showed any nerve life and that was at one five-hundredth of what it should have been. The doctor said if anything, that one response might grow slightly, but it will not make any significant difference.
I am not sharing this with my husband just yet. He needs to be as positive as possible and continue to put his best effort forth doing his part in his recovery. There will be time. Anyway, Papa is still on His Throne, so who knows?!
This news weighed heavy on me throughout the day, along with all the sad situations that surround me. Yes, I know I just said He is still on the Throne, but I AM ALSO STILL HUMAN!
My precious niece is struggling on her journey through breast cancer and its aftermath, along with difficulties in her marriage.
A ray of sunshine; a sweet woman is going to see her Savior face to face and her good husband is having to let her go.
Another dear friend is facing surgery with the hope and prayer that there will be no continuing problems.
I could go on, but you get the picture. Meanwhile, please lift these dear ones up to the Throne of Grace! He knows their names.
As I laid in bed reflecting on the pain that life can bring, I realized that I have never before been so intimately acquainted with so much grief all at once.
Life can be very sobering.
What was I feeling? It isn't always easy to identify what emotions are churning away within us. I was feeling as if I were pressed against a wall; pinned there.
The accuser was there with his harsh, chilling light glaring down on me. He sought to interrogate me.
"So your God allows all this pain and heartache, does He? He allows loss; loss of life, loss of limb, loss of security and peace? This is your Papa? Can you still trust Him? Do you still put your faith in Him?"
Oh yes! To whom else would I go? He alone holds the words of eternal life! He alone gives real peace, even when the world's form of peace is gone! Joy in the midst of loss and pain is available through and from Him!
He has a purpose in allowing all of this, each and every bit!
Papa took me to two passages of scripture.
Romans five, verses one through five. The result of perseverance? Proven character, which leads to hope. Ah, yes that word again, so much more than simply a word! An anchor in a storm - the storms of life! It is a hope that does not disappoint!!
Why?
Because He has poured out His love within our hearts!
When you have experienced His love, you can be sure it is safe to trust Him, no matter what comes!
Do I like it? Of course not! Who does?
We all hope to go off into the sunset hand in hand. That is natural. Deep down we expect a perfect life because that is what we were designed to experience.
And we would...But for the fall. The fall, where man and nature in rebellion caused their relationship with God to be broken.
He has made the way to experience relationship with Him, because (to quote a lovely lady) He wants us back! Yet, the world is still broken and we are here "working out our salvation."
The "sure hope" is, in part, that this is not all there is! Praise His Holy Name!!
Now for the second passage, which has taken on new meaning for me.
Second Corinthians four, verses seven through eleven.
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."
AMEN!!