Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm sitting here trying to sort out my thoughts. If all that is going on in my head were broadcast, I think it would sound like many voices speaking at once!
Through my day I often have thoughts that it seems should be recorded here. Sometimes I jot them down so I don't lose them. I have a pad in the car, as well as a few throughout the house for this purpose. Then there is my regular journal that I write what I hear Papa say to me every day.
If you read a page here and there you would see that every single day, one way or another, He reassures me that He loves me. I can never get enough of that good news!!
Of course, He loves to tell me, yet, over the past few months I believe He knows just how vital it is to keep me very much aware of His love.
I know His nature and know that He is loving. I also know that anything He allows in my life is for a good reason and that He will work it out for good. However, it is difficult to be in this new, strange place. It is not very comfortable at all!
The discomfort causes some of the voices in this head of mine. They are asking questions.
As we go through life, we might know that things are unpredictable and can change in a moment, but we live our lives as if everything will carry on as usual.
I am now very aware of how quickly things change and the discomfort comes from knowing that the future will not be what I had become accustomed to experiencing.
For the past few years I have had the joy of being free to minister in a number of different ways. My schedule was full and I loved it!
Much of what was on that schedule is no longer an option for me. At least, not for now.
I wonder what will the future hold? Will I be a fulltime care giver? The role that I find myself in with Ray right now is a very odd one. Will I get my husband back?
My Precious Savior reminded me today that He came to set me free, which means that I am free indeed! He also reminded me that He has given me life, life in abundance!
What does that mean in this moment? How can I experience and express that freedom and abundant life?
I need my Papa to show me, to walk me through it. This is an unfamiliar path, but He promises that He is on it with me and all that is mine in Him is available to me.
I read a story once of how a little child had gotten his hand stuck in a vase. The vase had to be broken to free the hand. Why? Because the child had reached in to snatch something in that vase and held it fast in his fist throughout the struggle. The simple solution would have been to open his hand.
To be free in this moment I need to open my hand. Once I do that I am certain that what Papa wants to give me will be better than what I have tried to cling.
Anyone else need to open up their fist?

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