Thursday, February 17, 2011

Living the Story

Reading has always topped my list of favorite things to do. 
I was slow to learn to read, but once I caught on, it was as if I were attempting to make up for lost time.
I think one of its biggest attractions was that it helped me escape the reality of life.  To this day I can become lost in the story; I enter into the story as if it were my own.

Reading out loud is fun for me and I did so regularly when our sons where young.  Each character would have their own voice, of course, and it would reflect the emotions of the moment. 
Public speaking is like that for me too.
I love to see others being drawn into the story.  You know when you have them.

I think there is a actress hiding somewhere inside this lady.
For years I would not have admitted this, as I hate drama in real life.  Drama was normal fare in my childhood home.  The smallest things were magnified, yet what was truly important was often overlooked.   This type of drama is very unappealing to me and for a long time I worked at avoiding all forms of it.   Denial is an essential element in this avoidance.
I just wanted a nice, quiet life. 
It didn't work.

Enter Jesus.
He took center stage in my life. 
As I have walked with Him I have learned to open up to the drama of life.   The amazing thing is that when we try to avoid certain emotions and experiences, we lose out on all the rest too.
Today I can face all of it because I am confident of Who walks with me.  I am free to live, really live.

This past week and a half I have not felt very alive.  I still don't.  My head is still fuzzy and aches, I have a miserable cough, my energy level is very low and my patience is a little thin, so a touch of crankiness is not too far below the surface.
For two days now I have been trying to tackle a few sedentary jobs without much success.  Responsibilities are beginning to pile up. 
Not much I can do about it right now.

I am not one to brood, at least not consciously.  As always, I am amazed by what is going on in the good old sub-conscience.
It didn't take me long to fall to sleep last night, but the sleep only lasted about an hour.  I awoke with a start with a number of big issues on my mind.
I prayed, but still couldn't sleep.  So I did what I usually do.  I got up, picked up my current read and got lost in the story for about an hour.

Let me put in a brief plug for the book here.  "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand is an excellent, well written book.  It is what my book club is reading at the moment.  I probably wouldn't have picked it up otherwise and that would have been to my loss.
Oh, to write with such ease and clarity; to be able to capture the reader's attention with the first sentence!  What a gift!

With my mind now filled with the story I was finally able to go back to sleep. 
For a while.
Then the bad dream started.

I hate snakes.  That is I abhor them.  Until recently I could not even look at a picture of one let alone be in the same place with one.
I still detest them, but can handle them (not literally!) at a distance.

There were two snakes in my dream.  Two big, fat snakes with fangs and huge mouths.  I remember being concerned as to where our cats were because it was obvious that these snakes could have swallowed them whole!
There they were in one of our closets.  The closet didn't look familiar, but I knew it was in our house.

A thought came to me in the midst of this dream.  A message really.
"You should just give up.  Aren't you really depressed?  It would be better to die."
I felt the darkness all around me trying to pull me into it.
It couldn't.

In the dream, Matthew came home and told me that snakes love formaldehyde and he just happened to have a big bottle of it.  He poured it into a large pan for them to drink.  They would die after drinking it.

They didn't look too interested.

Just then a small boy began to toddle near the closet.  One of the snakes noticed him.
With that I thought, "Oh, oh, I think I had better wake up!"
Then I did just that.

Strange, huh?
Want my interpretation?

Flu shots have formaldehyde in them.
Those snakes were, in part, the flu.  Probably all the stuff from my growing pile was another part of them.
The message and the darkness are not unfamiliar to me.  The enemy shows up in my dreams every now and then.  When he does it is always in a form of an attack.  Often it feels as if he has a hold on me.
Every time I call on my Jesus and the enemy has to let go and take a hike.
Last night I didn't even have to call on my Savior.
You see, I knew He was with me and was holding me.  Nothing, no darkness can move me.

As I have shared, I am in the book of Hebrews at the moment.   This morning I finished the ninth chapter.  I was reminded that what Jesus did on the Cross was for all time.
He is my High Priest; the sacrifice He made is complete.  Nothing else needs to be done.  As He said on the Cross, "It is finished!"
I am secure in and through Him alone.

This story is filled with drama.  It is the one that He has written for me to live.  It is the best story ever.  It is my own!

No comments:

Post a Comment