Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Brat's Perspective

Here I sit at my laptop, which is  on my desk in my own house.  Bummer.
I was suppose to fly out of White Plains, New York this morning at seven o'clock, but they cancelled the flight.  The airline did rebook me for last night, which was not doable.  Too bad.  They had me scheduled to fly into Atlanta around eleven PM and leaving for Orlando at seven the next morning.  Just think I could have spent a cozy night in the airport!
Tim didn't see why that was a problem.  I told him that when I was twenty-two I wouldn't have viewed it as anything but an adventure.  Now I would be wrecked for two days!

Before I heard from the airline the weather reports had made it pretty clear that I wasn't going anywhere.  It made me a little grumpy.  Not a good way to go through the day.  Not a good way to go through a very busy day.

Ray had two doctor appointments yesterday.  First, we met with his doctor at Gaylord.  She oversees all his therapies.  Then off we went to our primary care guy, who is one of my favorites.  He is a New Yorker, so what's not to like?!  Hey, remember I am a New Yorker myself.  I just happen to live in Connecticut. 
Both doctors were thrilled with his progress.  I had asked both what they thought of backing off on one of the medications in hopes that Ray would not be so subdued.  They had no problem with trying it, but neither felt that we would see much change.  The doctors attribute the changes to the TBI.

I was not doing too well after the first appointment and even wondered if I was experiencing a bit of an anxiety attack!  By the time we left the last doctor I was definitely blue.
Why did the appointments affect me so?  Because it was confirming this present way of life and this new, and not so deep relationship I have with my husband.

Ray is much calmer these days.  That is good.  He is also very easy going.  Sounds great.
Ha!  He's so laid back that the word placid is about all I can think of to describe him.  I asked him what he thinks about.  Oh, he just stays in the moment...
My honey reminds me of an innocent child in many ways.  Once in a while he comes out with one of his "Ray" comments and I know he is in there somewhere.

The book club that I am part of is reading a book by Sarah Dunant entitled, "Sacred Hearts."  I just finished it.  The setting is a convent in the fifteen-hundreds.  At that time numerous young women were given to convents, as "brides of Christ."  Their dowry came with them.  Many came unwillingly.
The church was extremely political and much of what happened did so because of that influence.

The story revolves around one young woman who found herself given to the convent against her wishes.  Throughout much of the book we find her mourning her youth and all its dreams, along with the love of her life, from whom she was wrenched away.  I could feel her pain.  I mean, I could really feel her pain!

I am such a brat.  A spoiled brat at that!  Brats want what they want when they want it!  Yes, indeed.
I want my husband back and the marriage that we had begun to enjoy!  And I want it now!!
Meanwhile, I want to be in Florida!  Now!
Do you hear any stomping of feet?

As the day unraveled... Oh wait!  That was me that was unraveling!
As the day waned I became acutely aware that I was not ready for the evening.  Last night it was my turn to lead the Bible study that I am attending.  Not good!  No way was my attitude conducive to doing such a thing!
I opened a little dialog up with Papa.  I felt like a naughty girl who came with her head down to her daddy.  Head down, afraid to look up.  Just the place I should have looked hours earlier!
I felt a measure of relief, but not much.  No Word, no sense of His Presence. 
When I hit road blocks or bumps in the road along this path I find myself on, I hang onto Who I know He is.  I rely upon the character of God, as I know He is unchanging and utterly trustworthy.  Unlike me.
The clock was ticking and I gathered my Bible and papers up.  I told Papa it was up to Him, as always.  If He didn't show up we would only gain head knowledge, but we needed heart knowledge!

We begin with a song that complements the theme of the night's study. Our focus last night was on God as our Father.  Abba.  Papa.
One of the women in our group brought an appropriate song in for us.  It was "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" and was sung by Nicole Nordeman.  The words of the song were for me.  Papa ministered to me with every word.  It seems He loves His brat!

The scripture last night centered on the passage in Luke fifteen, which tells the story of The Prodigal.  Many might think this is all about the young person who returned after having squandered his inheritance through reckless living. 
Not so.  It is about the Father.  Throughout the New Testament Jesus talks about the Father a whole lot.  It seems He was (and is) bent on us wrapping our brain and heart around Who our Heavenly Father is.
Who is He?  He is the One that is in Heaven.  Yes, of course, but though He is in Heaven, He is not distant.  He is longing to love on us (check out Hosea!), to embrace us and give us our inheritance.  He is not above hiking up his robes and running to meet us.  Nor, is He above coming outside where we are pouting to urge us to join Him inside at the party!  You see, He is always watching for us and over us.
Something else we discovered in Deuteronomy thirty-three, verse twenty-seven is that He is our home, our abode.  Didn't Jesus speak of abiding in Him?  Where else do you abide, but your home?!
Oh, I could go on and on, but I think I will leave it open for each one of you to discover for yourself.

I will share something though that really warmed my heart. 
The Father loves His Son, who is Jesus.  One example is found in Luke three, verses twenty-one and two.  "Now it came about when all the people were baptized, that Jesus also was baptized, and while He was praying, heaven was opened, and the Holy Spirit descended upon Him in bodily form like a dove, and a voice came out of heaven, "Thou art My beloved Son, in You I am well-pleased."
The Father willingly sent His Son from the glories of Heaven to pay the debt of our sins.  We read that in the book of John, third chapter, sixteenth verse.
"For God so loved the world (insert your name instead), that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life."

How much He loves us!!  Even when we are bratty!

No comments:

Post a Comment