Friday, September 23, 2011

Look Behind The Scenes

It is the strangest thing, when days go by between postings to this blog, I feel a bit disconnected or uneasy.
Maybe because I always have all kinds of thoughts coming and going in this head of mine; many of which I intend to share here.  As days slip by, so do some of those thoughts.
For those ideas that I feel strongly must make it to this blog I always have a notebook nearby.  The problem is that on occasion I get distracted before I can even pick up a pen!

There's a few thoughts that have survived, which I will lift from this week's journal entries. 

"My focus will affect my mood and walk with my God."

"Though God allows me to experience the consequences of my sin, it is always accompanied with grace beyond measure."
"God is always at work behind the scenes."

It surprises me, though I don't know why, how I allow the smallest thing to become my all consuming focus.
I had a bookkeeping snafu this week.  Quicken appears to have a mind of its own and has had me seeing red.  Literally. 
Red is bad.
I have been keeping careful records, but something went wrong and it has had me stumped.  It will work out, but for days I was just a little crazed!
I was crazed for the most part because I had let something beside my Papa take centerstage in my thoughts.  I began to feel estranged.  My walk wasn't as close as it should have been.
That did not mean that the LORD had moved away from me, nor loved me less.  No, it meant that I was too focused elsewhere to allow myself to experience His Presence and to receive His love.
When this happens my mood takes a tumble and I begin to feel out of sorts.  This is not my natural bent, so I go around feeling like I am garbed in ill-fitting clothes.

Being distracted from my beautiful Savior leaves me ill-prepared for anything life might bring my way.
It is a no win situation.

Thursday was an emotionally challenging day for me and since I was still in a tizzy over my books, I was not in a secure place from which to deal with all of it.
Before I discuss all of that I want to jump ahead to today.

Today was  the day that I had to go to court for that miserable speeding ticket.
Just walking into that building was unsettling.  Being sent to the wrong line and then rudely informed that I was in the wrong place did nothing to settle me down.  Why did the man have to be so rude?  If I took a whole minute of his time, it was a lot!

I had to go into one of the courtrooms.  Gulp!
We were seen one-by-one by a female prosecutor, in the order that we had arrived.
There I sat, scooting down one row after another, with all my fellow law-breakers.
After about one and a half hours I was the one sitting before the woman.
She gave me no opportunity to speak except to answer her one question. 
Did I exceed the thirty mile an hour speed limit?
With that she informed me what my fine was and dismissed me.  I swear she sneered!

While I had sat waiting I had time to reflect and talk with Papa.  The thought that came to me was that no matter what I am still His beloved child.
His child had to face the consequences of her actions, but not alone.  He would never leave me nor forsake me, no matter what!

Now back to yesterday.....
Ray's former co-workers and supervisors held a retirement luncheon for him.  We both attended.
Ray's face lit up when he saw the guys he had worked with for so many years.  They in turn were happy to see him, but all seemed sad to see the change in him.
I almost burst into tears and had to fight tears for much of the event.

Stories were told by many of Ray's feats and foibles.  He seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself. 
As people said goodbye to him, you could feel the finality of it all.
Some promised to keep in touch and I am sure they were sincere, but since their connection was solely the job, I doubt that they will.

The rest of the day I felt as if a dark cloud was following me around. 
Not so for Ray.  He seemed just as happy and content as ever.  What a gift.

So my week has been challenging, yet I have realized that Papa has been at work behind the scenes the whole time.  He is using every detail to draw me back and closer to Him.  He is using every detail to speak to my heart about the things that He and I need to look at together.
I see Him with His baton in Hand drawing out the notes that are needed to produce the symphony for my life.
Yes, He is always there, always with the focus of making me whole and wholly His.

Oh Papa, help me to see Your Hand in all of it always!

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