Saturday, June 2, 2012

Out of Control?

I could use two of me! Though  I doubt my little world is ready for that, but it certainly would be helpful at times.

For years I have tried to figure out how I can be in more than one place at a time.  No success as of yet and it doesn’t look very hopeful for the future.

I wonder if we could multiply ourselves, when the need arises, would we be doubly tired afterward?  That would not be good.  On the outside chance that it would be the case, I think I’ll end the pursuit!

You would think that after all these years I would have learned how to fit it all in.  I have learned to say no, which took practice, but there is still so much on the yes side of the page!

In part I think it is because so much sounds so interesting.

My life is filled with people.  I love people. 

Papa made me that way.

However, I also love to write and want to do more of it.

Papa made me that way too.

It is just fitting both into my life without neglecting my Honey and the running of our home that poses the problem.

My God, of course, has the solution for me.  It just eludes me now and again.

I do well for a while, but then things seem to spiral out of control.

This week, which is just ending, is an example of that craziness.

Every spring I get bit with the spring-cleaning bug.  Not a spring goes by that doesn’t find me pulling out the vacuum and rags with their accompanying spray bottles.

Once I am in this mode I seize every window of opportunity to check more off the list.

With the passing of years, I must confess, the cleaning has become slightly less thorough, but it is still much more than I do on a weekly basis.

Curtains come down, lighter ones go up after all wrinkles are ironed away.  And on it goes.

Over the past few years more has gone on the list, as Ray is not able to tend to anything that requires two hands or a ladder.  Our sons help when they can, but they are working more than full time.

The weed wacker and I have become acquainted.  It left my hands tingling and my arms sore, but not for long!

I do not mind any of it.  It would just be nice if I could tend to all of it without it cutting into all the rest of what I want to do!

What is frustrating to me is having thoughts that I want to get down on paper and then by the time I get my hands on that paper the thought is just a vague impression.

I have to trust that if it something from Papa, it will come back.

He is always speaking and teaching, of which I am ever so grateful.  I do not want to be so busy that I am not able to receive it.

A precious friend visited the other day.  We had a lovely walk, which included good conversation, of course.

Our talk always revolves around our Papa.  We commit our conversation to Him and He honors that by using us to encourage one another and share insights He gives us.

I was expressing my feeling of having dropped the ball where the writing of my book is concerned, but Papa spoke through Vanessa to open my eyes to what He has been doing in me which will benefit the book.

The writing had begun well.  My thoughts flowed.

Then I realized that I needed to reread this blog.  Starting with my first entries after Ray’s accident.
The reading stirred up all the emotions that I had not had the time for at the time. 

It took a good length of time to sort through all of it. 

Afterward I still did not pick up the writing.

Recently I have been feeling that I am now ready to get going again.

What came to light the other day was that it will now be a different book than I first thought.  It will be a more honest book.  One that talks about the struggles and frustrations, as well as God’s faithfulness.
The original would have been a little too nice.  The kind of book that I detest.  One that smacks of a sugary Christianity.

Now what is the point of this posting?  How do all my thoughts tie together.

Papa ties them together!

I need not struggle, not try to clone myself.

My life isn’t too full.  I just need to rest in the fact that He is ordering my life.

Whatever crosses my path and whatever urges I have, including spring cleaning are directed by Him.I commit my every day to Him and know that He takes that to heart.  And His heart is one of love.

This means the feeling of spiraling out of control is me not resting in Him instead of the I musts and the I shoulds.

It means that it is okay for me to clean until my heart is content and take long walks with friends without feeling I am neglecting something else.

No He wants me to enjoy the moment fully.  Whether it is with vacuum or pen in hand or enjoying one of the treasured people with whom He fills my life.

Proverbs Three, verses Five and Six say it well,
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” 

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