For years the only disruptions I experienced were caused by one of four babies.
Those babies have all grown up.
Yet, there are times when my sleep is not all it should be.
The clock read one-forty in the morning.
That's what time it was when I awoke last night.
It was close to four o'clock by the time I fell back to sleep.
So what did I do for over two hours?
I started by half-heartedly, tossing and turning.
I knew I was going to be awake for awhile, but I was fighting that fact.
Was there anything on my mind that could be causing the unrest?
On the surface I could chalk the restlessness up to the feeling that there was so much to accomplish this week and so little time. This Thursday afternoon I am heading off on a retreat and will be gone until late Saturday afternoon. I cannot wait!
However, before I can go anywhere I have to get through this week's list. Five days worth that needs to be done in three and a half days.
Normally I can handle it, but as of last night I was still in the midst of a real problem with my husband's benefits office that was time sensitive. I couldn't get no satisfaction and I was frustrated!
I spent some of my awake time in what I thought was prayer over the issue, but in retrospect I have to admit that it was more a rehearsal of my frustrations without much willingness to listen to any Words of wisdom or counsel.
This morning was full and did not lend itself to much time with Papa. Oh sure, I did my readings and talked to Him about my loved ones, but what I really needed was some of that solitude and silence that I have been talking about.
Ray has joined one of the local YMCAs where they have aquacize each morning. He just tried it out last week and liked it. Now we are working on getting into a routine of him taking advantage of the class as often as possible. Preferable Monday through Friday
So off we went this morning to the gym.
I dropped him off and continued on my way hoping to get through the rest of my list.
Before we had headed to our car I had made a phone call in an attempt to resolve the ongoing issue with the wonderful, oh-so helpful benefits office. I could not reach the same representative, so for the fifth time in a week I had to go through my whole saga again. I will not bore my readers with the details, but let me just say that it involves a major over-charge which would be withdrawn from our account next Tuesday.
The person had no clue. She must have been new, but I had no time, at the moment, to educate her. Ray had to get to the gym.
I love music and it is my usual companion as I drive. This day I felt restrained from turning any on. Instead I was prompted to pull out "The Valley of Vision" CD set. It is a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions given to me by a good friend.
The narrator is Max McLean. This actor has such an incredible voice that he brings a richness and depth to everything he does. He certainly does in this case.
The words of the Puritans are woven through with the Scriptures and their truth.
Papa used one prayer to speak to my heart.
The prayer was a response to a Psalm that I had been studying this week. Psalm One Hundred and Twenty-Three.
"To Thee I lift up my eyes, O Thou who art enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress; so our eyes look to the LORD our God, until He shall be gracious to us."The one who constructed this prayer was confessing his failure to do as the psalmist did, look to the Hand of his Master.
The thought that came to me was that to look to His Hand would be to look with expectancy. Just like a child looks to her father, knowing that he gives only good things.
As I reflected on these thoughts I received the picture of a moth drawn to the light.
The servant eager to please and confident in trust, looking to his master. Happy to do so and at peace.
What good things would the Hand of this Master, my Papa have for me?
Direction and provision.
Once home I took a deep breath and punched in the benefit's number. The young woman who answered listened patiently and then offered to send my call to the one who could resolve my issue. I asked for the number of this person in case I got disconnected. She had no such number, but promised not to disconnect me. My call went on hold and then I was promptly...disconnected!
Papa reminded me that I could trust Him, as I redialed that number which I know better than my own. Yet another person answered and this time I asked for a manager.
With that I was connected with someone who could and, hopefully, did resolve the issue! I will even be able to reach her in the future, should I need to do so!
All Papa wanted me to do is remember to look to His Hand to handle this issue, as He has handled everything else in the past.
Another Psalm came to mind. Psalm One Hundred and Twenty-One.
"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth."