Friday, November 5, 2010

Old Tapes

Ever have a reaction to someone or something that surprises you?   If I take time to examine it, I realize it triggered some memory from my past.  I think we have been recording all the messages and impressions we have received over the years.  Some are lovely, some definitely are not!  Many are lies. 
The only way to deal with these is to replace them.  There is no erasing them.
Some, I think, are really imbedded!  So even when I have embraced truth upon which to live, the old junk can still show up now and again.  Yuck!

Monday I took Ray for his checkup with the doctor at Gaylord.  We had a sub, as the regular doctor was away.  He was a nice man and it was evident that he wanted to encourage my husband.  Very kind.
At one point he told Ray that it was obvious to him that my honey was fine cognitively.  In many ways that is true.  In just as many ways, it is not.

I cannot tell you how sad and frustrated I suddenly felt!  Why? 
Well, upon reflection I realized that it triggered an old, old memory from my childhood.  You see back then denial was the motus operandi.  Deny your feelings, deny your observations.  They are all wrong!
Was the doctor giving me that message?  No, of course not, but that is how my little brain interpreted it!
The doctor did not know Ray before the accident, so he cannot know the difference in how he responds now.
Once I examined it I could let it go.  Obviously, it is critical to take the time to do just that.

What a joy to have a God who embraces and redeems.  I can look to Him and know that He accepts me just as I am.  He not only accepts me and loves me right where I am, but is making me new!
The commentary today from Slice of Infinity spoke of the gospel writer Mark.  He did not start out as one you could count on.  He ran in fear when Jesus was headed to the cross, he let Paul down on some missionary trip, and yet later God had him write the gospel account and Paul asked for him, as he was "useful to him."
If we rely upon ourselves to straighten things or us out, we limit ourselves and rule out the power of God to work in and through us!

He is the beautiful One, the only One my heart desires.  May I meditate upon His beauty constantly.  There is no other place that compares to being in His Presence!

"One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to meditate in His temple."  Psalm twenty-seven, verse four.

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