Would you kindly join me in giving our Great God a standing ovation? Oh, by the way, Ray will be joining us! During PT/OT today they got him to his feet!! Sure they had to help him, but he took part and was actually able to rise without the feeling of dizziness overwhelming him.
My man had another new look today; he looked like a mysterious man, as they put a black eye patch over his left eye before attempting to get him standing.
As we know, his left eye is giving him trouble and most likely contributes to the dizziness he has been experiencing.
When my honey first stood I had to fight tears; tears once more of joy and sorrow. Aren't emotions crazy things? We can feel so many at the same time. Often it is hard to really know all we are feeling! The reason for the joy was obvious, but the sorrow I had to analyze. It still is difficult to see my strong husband so weak. I don't think I will ever get use to it and I don't want to either!! Who knows what other emotions were churning at that moment or any other? Who knows? Papa knows!
Ray stood a second time after a short break and then his blood pressure decided to take a dip, but not before he took a few steps! One of the therapists stood with the wheelchair right behind him and the second therapist helped support him and also moved his left leg for him. The leg is still very weak. However, he could move the right one himself! The step was more of a shuffle, but he did it himself!
Let's dance!!
Afterward my dear husband and I headed for the Japanese garden. Appropriately, we talked with Jesus while we were there. (I can't stop smiling!) Ray thanked our gracious LORD for giving him this day and for all the support he is receiving. He asked Him to help him keep everything in perspective. He said he was grateful for all the progress, but sorry that he gets impatient wanting things to move more quickly. Ray ended by expressing his desire for God to be glorified through all of this! Ah, Papa is so good!!
Before these delicious events Ray had had visitors. Each one an important part of Ray's life. The relationship he has with one of the visitors is like that of a son and father. It is obvious that both this older man and my husband have great tenderness for one another. What a joy to behold! I was grateful that I was there with the man and his wife. Being with them is always a blessing.
Another blessing for me is being able to blog! It often feels like I am having a conversation with a dear friend, which I am. I am becoming more and more aware that there are quite a number of you following this blog and that Papa is speaking to you. What a joy, but also a burden. Let me explain.
Our friend, James, is a welder extraodinaire. He loves creating with metals. I love creating with words. It could be said that words are my metal. I am amazed by James' creations. They often are beautiful things to behold. It is my desire to be a blessing and that Papa would give me His words to do beautiful things in hearts and lives.
I have been reading the Old Testament book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a servant of the Most High God. It was a blessing and a burden for him. The blessing is, of course, knowing and serving God. The burden is experiencing the heart that God has for others and being faithful to Him no matter what comes. It is too easy to become more aware of those with skin on and less aware of the One Who is Spirit; too easy to become a people-pleaser instead of a God-pleaser.
Ezekiel kept the right perspective, because he knew the heart of God. May I stay close to the heart of my God so I also keep the proper perspective.
In this Old Testament book I am reminded that staying close to Him in trust and obedience is the only secure place. To consider being anywhere else is a frightening thought! For Him to remove His Presence from my life, as He had to do with Israel, would leave me lifeless and hopeless. A commentary today put it this way, "God's absence is the ultimate punishment."
The true blessing is in knowing that He has promised never to leave me, nor forsake me. He also promised that whatever He calls me to do, well, He'll do it! (1 Thessalonians 5:24). So, Dearest LORD, blog away!
And precious ones, may each of you be enjoying life in the only secure place!

A storm passed through today. I love storms; always have! It is exhilerating to watch the wind rushing through the trees causing an uproar among the leaves and the clouds hurrying to catch up. The sound and sight is glorious. To step outside and feel the wind, as it attempts to carry you with it, is refreshing! When one of these storms takes the humidity with it upon its departure, well, that's the cherry on top! That's what happened today and it is a perfect analogy of what my God has been doing in my heart.
It is difficult to experience His creation and not think of Him. What a joy to see His Hand is all of life. And a greater joy to experience His touch personally.
The skipping and dancing continue since His Spirit moved to lift my spirit and remove the heaviness of my heart. Just like the wind whisked away the humidity!!
This morning I was reminded by Brennan Manning that "Our primary identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ."
Who am I? "I am my Beloved's and He is mine!"
To add blessing to blessing I joined my fellow brothers and sisters to worship Him and partake of the LORD'S Supper. Such a precious reminder of what a Savior we have in Him!
Our son, Jon, and I headed over to the hospital to visit you know who. Ray was up and happy to see us, particularly Jon.
Jon shared with his dad the adventures he has been having with work, his home and his car. Ray listened intently. He told us that there was a car show on the hospital grounds in the morning and a volunteer took him outside to check it out. That is something he enjoys and I thank the LORD for having him in such a place! They go the extra mile!
My honey is having trouble focusing his left eye. We are hopeful that once all injuries heal that this will correct itself, as well as his lifeless left arm.
Yes, there is that word - hope. Papa is not letting up with the reminders. That's because He loves me. (Smile)
My hope is not in One who comes and goes like the wind. He is steady and constant and utterly reliable. He never changes, as He is "the same yesterday, today and forever!"
The apostle Paul said, "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage." Philippians 1:20. Amen!

Sometimes when I can't or shouldn't move around a lot I do the moving in my spirit alone. That is the case while I'm traveling by plane. They discourage dancing in the aisles, so I often need to resort to a subversive operation!
I plug in the head phones, find a worship station and really listen to the words. As I do, they stir my heart and then... I dance! There have even been times when I picture that I am sailing over mountains as I joyfully worship my God.
Other times I might just skip for joy, as His little girl. Tonight I feel like skipping.
You see Papa and I have been talking. Though there is peace underlying my every day, yet there is also a loneliness and boredom; I have felt out of sorts. Sure all of this is understandable, but I longed to get out from under the blahs. I didn't like it! I asked my God for help.
Prayer for me takes many forms as I am aware that my every thought is shared with Him. It is what "practicing the presence of God" means to me. Who is credited with that phrase? Was it Brother Lawrence? I'm not sure, but be sure it wasn't me!
There are times, however, when I need to articulate what is going on in my heart and mind. I know it is for me more than Papa, as He always knows what is astir in His child and often has to clue me in! At these times simply putting feelings into words helps me to recognize them.
Well, I admitted my melancholy mood to my Heavenly Father and then started my day. A little while later the phone rang and it was our good friend James. We talked and discovered that we were both in similar places. We really miss our dear friend! When we ended the conversation I felt a measure of relief. My Papa orchestrated that call and through it I was reminded that my feelings are valid and I am not alone.
It is all too easy to let old lies creep in; lies that say deny your feelings, they are not valid! I spent too many years doing just that and need Divine help to guard against such insidious habits.
As the rest of my day unfolded there was blessing after blessing.
Yes, that is how all my days are, but today was structured by the Hand of my loving Father to answer my plea.
Ray and I had visitors!
My sister, Chrissy and her fiancee', Tim, came to visit from Long Island. We always have a lovely time together filled with laughter. James joined us for lunch, as he had just finished our lawn (!), which added to the enjoyable fellowship. The men refilled Ray's poorly neglected bird feeders and I do believe the birds that filled our trees burst into fresh song!
Our son, Jon, arrived next and all but James headed off to visit Ray.
My honey wasn't as verbal as the past few days, but did greet everyone warmly and had a few words to say. The nurses were eager to tell me that they were able to move him from the bed to his wheelchair and then back again with out the hoyer lift!
The board that was introduced in PT the other day was used instead. This meant that Ray needed to be able to participate in shifting his weight to cross the board!
The staff is so encouraging and deliberately so. I don't believe anyone who is not cheerful would last at Gaylord.
We discovered a handmade card on Ray's nightstand. It was a good size; a regular sized paper folded in half. At the top it said that the message in the card was to be read every day. What was the message? (This is not word for word) Do you notice the changes that are happening? Do you notice what is improving? What is stronger?
Cool.
When we had arrived for our visit Ray already had a visitor! Another good friend, Roger. Just what he needs; to see those who are in his life, close friends; those who love him. Papa is so gracious!
During our visit two more visitors arrived: Armand and Loreen; more love in the air and in our hearts!
We all took a stroll out to the garden. Once we were all settled comfortably surrounding my husband he looked around and thanked us for coming on such short notice and promised to try to give us more warning next time! I love it when the man I know and love shows up!
Yes, the visit was encouraging, yet it always leaves me feeling drained. I think, in part, it is having to say goodbye and head home without him.
Well, Someone wasn't going to let my day end on a minor note! My Saturday evening (date night) was spent over dinner with two of my sons, Jon and Tim, and Tim's girlfriend, Becca. Fun, but the night wasn't over! We went to the movies, which I enjoyed, except for the snakes!!
As the four of us drove home I realized the blahs were gone! When they left I can't tell you. I think they just slowly melted away like a spring thaw. Aslan must be on the move!
Yes, I feel like skipping and as I have no reason to be restrained, I think I will!

This week I have been bombarded by messages on hope. Papa wants me to pay attention! What is the meaning of the word hope? My thesaurus gives me a few choices; expect, trust, anticipate, wish, look forward to, expectation, optimism, faith. Ah, faith!
Without faith any hope I have will be on shaky ground; it will be a wish. With faith I have hope. What does this hope look like? Let me use the words the thesaurus offers.
I expect my God to be at work and knowing His character I can trust Him. It is with great anticipation that I look forward to seeing how He answers my prayers, my longings and desires. What will my heart's desire look like when He is finished?
He promises that if we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. This does not mean that whatever we think we want or need will be given to us. It means that as we get to know Him and find out just how delightful He is - our hearts change; we enter the process of being conformed to His image and that includes our hearts!
My hope is in Him.
This has never been more crucial. If my hope were in the hospital staff caring for Ray or in his fortitude, I would be in trouble! The staff is excellent and Ray is a strong man, but all are human, all are limited. My God is all-powerful and all-knowing! I choose Him!
Today was both encouraging and disconcerting. The nurses were excited that he fed himself all three meals today. The head nurse told me that it won't be long until he can eat anything he wants. I gave her a big smile and her response was, You have a lot to smile about! You will definitely be getting him back in time! Very encouraging!!
I visited in the evening for a change, so Ray was already in his bed and we just stayed in his room. He listened while I brought him up to date on the Reynolds' happenings and read him the latest cards. We prayed together and he thanked the LORD for all the kindnesses being shown to him. He also expressed thankfulness that I could come visit him.
If he hadn't mentioned me, his wife, in prayer I would have wondered if he really knew who I was. He asked me if I was staying in the area overnight and if I had taken the ferry. I think he thought I came from Long Island!
After a little while he looked at the clock and declared that I had better be on my way! Oh, would I also stop by the desk and let them know that we were through in here?
My honey is a bit confused! He reminded me of his dad, who had dementia. Very childlike.
Though I know that traumatic brain injuries take a while to heal and cause confusion among other things, it is still unsettling. This is my husband! I am use to him watching out for me! I am not accustomed to him being weak and slow of thought! I am usually the one who has to process everything slowly and he is the one who always quick thinking! What if he doesn't get it all back?
It is the end of the day and I am tired. Everything looks gloomier when one is weary. Oh, oh
I am reminded of a Word from the LORD earlier today and I can't help but be hopeful!
"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength;
they will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary!"
Isaiah 40:28-31

Some days reality hits harder than others. This was one of those days. Searching for a word to describe where Ray and I find ourselves today sobering comes to mind. This is not going to be over anytime very soon.
Oh yes, our God could raise him up this very moment. That He could and sometimes He does just that for a person. What I sense though is He is building something that is going to take time. He is building character, He is conforming us to His image. I can remember asking Him to do just that on many different occasions. I had no idea what I was asking, not really.
Would I take those words back, if I could? No. I surely would like to, but I know better. What do I know better? My God. He is trustworthy and far wiser than I. Actually, He is the source of all wisdom.
So, Papa, have Your way.
This morning, as I sat with my God and journaled what He brought to mind, I wrote "God first - God empowered!" What spurred this thought was a commentary by David Jeremiah in his devotional, "Sanctuary." What did those words I wrote down mean to me? If I seek God first, if I begin my day with Him, then I will have His power to face and go through the day. Power to live, not just survive. Power to make a difference in those around me. His power flowing through me to envelop and bless others.
Each of Ray's days are such tangles of victory and defeat. It would be too easy to see only defeat. In God's power and grace we can acknowldege the defeats and then rejoice in the victories.
What defeats did today hold? Concern that there is nerve damage which is causing the lack of feeling and movement in his left arm and hand. Continued dizziness that is hindering the PT.
What victories did we see today? Ray's voice is stronger! The trach is capped off! The greatest victory was in the spiritual realm.
Today when I asked Ray if we could pray, not only did he agree, but led off in prayer. What did he pray? "LORD, may Your goodness be seen through all that we are going through!"
So there I was seeking to bless my husband and he was blessing me!! I hope that you, too, are blessed!!

Among all the rides that Disney World offers there is one called "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride." Hold onto your seat because the ride has many twists and turns, ups and downs, and the car you ride in is known to spin! I have been known to compare life to that ride. Nothing to date has shaken my confidence in that comparison!
This day was better than yesterday for my husband. I spent the morning with him as he had one therapy after another. Speech therapy came first. Diedre, his therapist brought him a sectioned binder. She explained that it was to help him jog his memory. The book is divided into different sections. One is a daily log where he can note when he has therapy and what exercises he is involved in. He can also record any visitors who come by. Another section is a place for him to note any questions he might have and who to ask. In the front of the binder is where personal information is written; his name, address, phone numbers, family members, important dates, etc.
Shortly after Diedre left we headed down to rehab. The OT/PT goal for today was to once again attempt to help Ray stand. Again he was moved from the wheelchair to the chair that converts to simply a support after it gradually helps the patient stand. Again Ray's blood pressure dropped. It was 80 over 60! So again he was moved back into his wheelchair and sent back to his room. One of the contributing factors for such a low pressure was that he was not wearing a mid-drift support. He normally has one on, but the feeding tube had leaked twice and that took care of all he had in his closet. They ordered another one and had to wait for it to come from supply.
Each day I take his laundry home, including those supports, and had brought one back this morning, but I had no idea they needed it and they didn't ask. Each time they get a new one it goes on the bill so I try to keep them clean and in supply. Who knew that they'd go through two in one morning! Oh well, such is life.
Ray was a little more receptive today and so we chatted for a while. Actually I did most of the talking. At one point Ray looked at me so sadly and said, "Sorry." I asked for what? He waved his hands to cover himself and his surroundings. I replied that I was sorry too, but it is what it is and we will get through it!
I asked him what he wanted everyone to pray for him. He said for him to get well quickly, because this is getting old fast!
It is amazing how the LORD orchestras so many details of life! You ever notice when He wants to get a message across you meet it at every turn?! Our Daily Bread today spoke about being up against a wall and instead of giving up, look up. (Okay, this is definitely Debbie's translation of what they said, but it is the same message!)
Ray and I smiled at how caring our God is that He desires to encourage us by reminding us that He is with us every step of the way! We spent a few minutes in prayer and then my honey promptly fell asleep! I kissed his head and left.
Tim visited his dad this evening with Ray's friend Jed. He came home very animated. Dad spoke! He shared that he was grateful to be alive. He asked Tim about work, school and life in general. Dad prayed! He thanked the LORD for being in His life. And Dad ate food!! He had a barium swallow today and must have done well. So for the first time in seven weeks Ray tasted food! Sure it was only mashed potatoes with gravy and some apple sauce, but it was food!!
Yes, it is a wild ride! However, with Papa in the car with us it is an adventure and we know that we will survive. Truly we will more than survive, we will enjoy the ride!

June 1, 2010; mark it down as a tough day. Tough for Ray and tough for me.

It sounded like my honey woke up on the wrong side of the bed. More likely it was just the wrong bed; not our bed!
Once again I found him hanging out with the nurses, but not by choice. After a kiss he wheezed out "Get me out of here!" So I whisked him away and down the hall to his room. It was close to his therapy time, so there was not enough time to wander.
He seemed very somber and kept staring off seemingly in deep thought. After a brief time together where I shared the latest card and a few updates with him, it was time to head downstairs to OT and PT.
We had to hangout for a short bit and I saw Ray watching the other patients carefully. At one point he shook his head and whispered, "Old age." I reminded him that he was not there yet.
During OT he had to copy patterns using cubes that had a different print on each side. It was his job to find the correct print and then position it the same way as the one on the page. His hand shook and it took some time for him to get a cube in place.
The therapist then moved him onto sequencing. As he followed he was read three sentences that broke down a particular activity and had to determine the correct sequence of events. He took a moment to think it through, but came up with the right order each time!
Ray is having trouble with his eyes. The therapist told us that his eyes are not tracking. He also has trouble reading. The eyeglasses are new. He and his optician had been on an adventure long before the accident trying to find the perfect lenses for him. These are the latest attempt. I imagine that much of the current problems stem from his brain injuries.
I noticed that he was having trouble getting his right hand to respond to directives. When he was asked to hold his left arm so they could move him, he grabbed the therapist's arm and didn't realize his mistake.
PT involved Ray laying on a mat and trying to roll onto his side. He cannot do this alone, but is able to use his right leg for some leverage. His left leg has some movement, but it is very subtle.
At times, such as this, it saddens me to see how much my strong husband's muscles have atrophed. I am also reminded of this when I hold his arm or leg. There is no firmness. He always had such strong, firm legs and arms. How quickly our muscles lose definition!

As a child I would escape into fantasy and dreams as often as possible. This is how I got through life at our very dysfunctional home. The problem with such escapism is that when you come back to reality, everything is that much more harsh.
I no longer do that, but still have a tendency to hang onto the good experience without any thought that it might not last. Thus, I set myself up for this difficult day.
Yesterday I had my husband back and even a little bit new and improved! Today I was met by a stranger, definitely not the man that headed off on his motorcycle the evening of April 14th. Though I shouldn't have been surprised, I was. It hurt to feel disconnected once more.
Ray has had a tendency to fixate on something. Today he wanted to get back in bed after therapy. The nurses told me that he had not been up long enough. He needs to get the rest of the phlem up and laying down just will compound the problem. I went back to his room and explained this to him. He nodded and then waited five minutes to start asking where they were.
Shortly later the nurses changed shifts and the new nurse came in to say that he would be putting Ray in bed between 4:15 and 4:30. It was 4:00 and I told Ray that he had to wait until the promised time. Every three minutes or so Ray would wave his hand as if to say what is taking them so long. Once again I would explain.
Right before the nurse did appear (on time) I leaned over and kissed my husband and lightly rubbed his left arm. He grabbed my arm with his right hand and threw it from him. I asked him if that hurt, which it never did before. He nodded a curt yes. I wanted to cry and had to fight the tears. Thankfully the nurse walked into the room so I again kissed him and said goodbye. After leaving I realized I had left my refillable water bottle in the room. When I went back in I joked that his absent-minded wife was back. He would not look at me, nor respond in any way, but just stared at the wall.
Yes, it was a tough day. As I thought it all through I decided that I need to have more understanding of what to expect because of the brain injuries. I want a better grasp of what is happening in Ray's brain. I think that will help me to go with whatever comes along on this journey.
Tonight a group met in my home and the topic was 'choosing hope'. I am deeply grateful that the God that I hope in will never disappoint, neither will He ever leave me. I am going to go climb up into His lap now. You can too, as there is room for all!