Tuesday, August 23, 2011

More Than I Can Handle

Exhausted mentally and physically
It's as if something has attached itself and drained me dry.
Breathing is an effort
Got nothing to give....

Family heartaches near and far.
Friends with troubles too.

I drive to visit my loved ones with a stopover at a dear friend's home.
Alcohol seems to be a problem at both destinations.

Not the only issue.

A young mother, who is very young emotionally.
A sweet baby who needs an equipped momma.

Words that were on my heart spoken, but barely heard....

Head home with no stopover.
Arrive to conflicts that need resolution.
Check the mail and discover other issues that need immediate attention....

Too much...

All this and today is one year since we lost our Sara...

Too much...
A few days ago I told Papa that I wanted to decrease so that He would increase.
Decrease?  This feels more like shriveling....

He takes me back to those Words that drew me to Him all those years ago...
"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden...."
This morning I placed myself before Him and turned it all over to Him. 
I am not worrying over how to handle all of it, but I am sad.
I am still weary.
I am still heavy laden.

Yet I have hope.
Though I am in a wretched place, in the depths of my heart I know that He is faithful and that He has a purpose for all of it.
I know that He loves each one and if they would but catch the slightest glimpse of His Heart and Hand they would begin an amazing adventure.

Yes, deep down there is a peace that passes understanding and with it I am reminded that it is not all up to me.

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