Every day is filled with gifts from Papa. Many of them are snatched up, opened with haste, wrappings discarded without a glance, and then put to use without a thought of whose Hand offered them.
For all the heartache that a day may hold there are many more blessings. They are ours whether we even stop to notice or not.
He is the greatest gift. One that can never be taken away once we have received Him. It is up to us to explore this wonderful gift and to get to know Him more deeply each day.
We can all list so many gifts that come from Him; life, breath, the beauty of a day, family and friends and the love that is woven through these relationships. All great treasures.
A wonderful treasure is the privilege of hearing from Him. He loves to speak to our hearts. He spoke to me this morning.
I was reading first Corinthians thirteen, which is known as the love chapter, and had decided to do so using a contemporary language version, The Message. The words that spoke so tenderly to my heart are verses twelve and thirteen.
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. but it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."
He is the source of all three.
Over and over I am amazed that this Great God, the Holy One, the Creator would be so generous to me, a fragile, broken sinner. This is the One that words of a song I heard today spoke of: Kings will surrender their crowns! We will all bow down to Jesus, the Light of the world, the Love of God!
Imagine the most powerful people, the rulers of this world will place their crowns before Him one day! And all will worship Him because He is worthy!!
This is the One who is so intimately acquainted with us. This is the One who holds us in His Hands and loves to bless. This is the One who will never let go!
This is the One who reminded me today that I don't see the whole picture and that a better day is coming! A day is coming when I will see Him face to face! It is the day that He will wipe away ever tear from my face; a day that promises no more tears or sorrow!
May my life be a gift back to Him!!

Words are one of my things. As the years have passed by I have become more and more aware of the weight they carry. I often wince at how casually we toss them around.
That children's rhyme that says "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me" should never be taught to another child! Words are powerful and thus can hurt or heal.
With words we can build people up or tear them down and it is through words, along with actions, that relationships are built or destroyed.
If we are thoughtful, we will reflect on the words we speak before they are spoken. Yet, even once we have spoken in sincerity, how fully do we understand what it might mean to follow through on those words?
I've been thinking about the words of my marriage vows. What did they mean to me when I spoke them and what do they mean to me all these years later? Standing at the altar and speaking those vows no one really has any idea what challenges will come that will call upon an ever deepening commitment to those very vows.
Back then I honestly would have uttered any words for security; for the sense of belonging. Along the way keeping those vows was challenging, at times, and I can honestly say that we made it through truly by the Grace of God.
Before Ray's accident we had finally reached a good place, together. It had become a pleasure to uphold those words, for both of us.
These thoughts are a result of my conversation with the social worker at Glendale today. Actually, it was something she said that triggered this line of thought. We were discussing Ray's progress and my concern regarding his returning home. (by the way, they are requesting an extended discharge date of August 12th from the insurance company. Pray!)
She told me that I had to realize that this place we find ourselves in is not going to be a brief one, but that I can expect it to last for years. She also said that I need to adjust myself to the fact that he will need caregiving for quite a long time and that some of his problems will most likely be permanent.
What might be permanent? Well, the immobility of his left arm for one. He also has sensitivity on the left side of his chest and finds it very irritating to be touched. I found that out when I was sitting with him and, in a show of affection, lightly brushed his chest with my hand. In a tight voice, he asked me not to do that again.
So those words spoken over thirty years ago are taking on deeper meaning along with a need to find creative ways to uphold them.
To love and to cherish. I do. Now more than ever I need to do so with words and companionship.
Part of me wants to selfishly say, "Hey, how about the "to have and to hold" part??
In sickness and in health. Who ever imagines what this can mean? Yes, I say with trepidation. Not that I don't want to care for him, but I feel so inadequate.
And that voice whispers, "What about all you love to do? What about all you have been involved with?"
All I can do is take it one day at a time. Papa reminded me this morning that He has called His children to love at all costs. He does. He did.
He is going before us and He is contantly reminding me of this fact. I know it is true.
Anything that He allows in our lives is for a greater good than we could have experienced without the experience. I know this is true.
He promises that He will never leave me, nor forsake me and that He will give me the strength I need for the tasks I face. I know this is true.
I also know that He is carrying me right now. My heart grieves for my niece and all that she is going through and it grieves for my strong husband who faces such a long recovery laced with loss. Yet, I am confident that He has allowed these circumstances for a greater good. May nothing hinder all He desires to bring out of these hard places. Not even me.

"Seize the moment!" That is the thought that came to me as I awoke this morning.
Seize the moment, LORD? "Yes, every situation is an opportunity to seize it for Me. Seize it to know me better, to lean on Me harder, to walk with Me closer and to represent me before others," He seemed to say.
Usually I fall asleep praying and that was the case last night. My last conscious thought was focused on a very dear, long-time friend, who had called me last night. He has been out of work for a year and a half.
As I chewed on "seizing the moment," I felt Papa saying that this was for my friend too. So, dearest Ron, receive it!
We have such a privilege! We have access, intimate access to the Living God!!
I am involved in a few groups and if you ask anyone who is involved in them they would tell you that I have one drum I love to beat. It is that to live and victoriously we must know God and continue to get to know Him more fully and deeply.
Who is He?? He is the Creator; He is Majestic and Mighty; He is Holy and Righteous; He is Beautiful and Loving; He is All-Wise and All-Knowing, AND He is In Control!!
He is worthy of all praise, honor and glory!! One day every knee will bow without hesitation and every tongue will confess that He alone is Lord!!
There is no way to wrap our brains around who He is. On a good day I get a glimpse of Him and am undone and that is just the train of His robe that fills the temple!!
After we get a picture of who our God is we need to then learn what this Almight One has to say about us and what He promises us!
He is especially fond of us, as Brennan Manning's uncle told him. He delights over us with singing according to Zephaniah!! He sees us a clean and whole through the Blood of His Son!! He loves to hang out with us and loves when we take time to just be with Him.
As we get to know Him we can't help but love Him. Today's reading in Manning's "Reflections
for Ragamuffins" reminded me that out of love comes trust, not the other way around. One of the blessings of this love-relationship is that we can rest in Him, we can trust Him because we know His character. We are safe in Him. Proverbs eighteen, verse ten tells us, "The Name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe." Let's rest there.
Scripture speaks of serving our precious LORD. There are times in our lives when the form of serving we have been involved with has been set aside for a while.
That is where I am right now. Much of which I was involved has been put on hold. Sigh.
This past week I had to call the drug/alcohol rehab where I volunteer and tell them I needed to take a hiatus. My heart is there with the residents.
My niece is don't doing well, neither is her mother, my sister. My heart is there with them.
Our roles in a ministry to the poor and disadvantaged that Ray and I were involved in were set aside from the start of this adventure. My heart misses all of it.
Papa had a word for me this morning. Prayer is service in His Kingdom. Actually it is serving on the front lines!
I knew that, but I had gotten use to the faces; I love the faces and the hearts they represent!
I told Papa that I wanted to renew my commitment to my place on the front lines. After all it is where He would have me be right now and I know in my heart there is no better or more effective place to be!
One battle that we have to wage is with the rehab center and insurance company that want to send Ray home in less than two weeks.
I am not a fast thinker, neither is our son, Matthew. We need to ruminate for a few days before responding to issues, etc. Well, we have finished chewing our cud and have concluded that we are not ready for Ray to come home because He is not ready. We spoke with my honey and he agrees.
We have a call in to the social worker at Glendale and will discuss this with her. Ray is not like most of their patients who are recovering from surgery. He is recovery from multiple injuries with the brain injuries being the most serious.
Should he come home, his therapy will be reduced to a few times a week versus twice a day. Not acceptable!! He is still falling. What would I do? I cannot lift him alone. He cannot do stairs, etc.
So it is time to hit the mats, as they say!! Everyone to the front lines!! It's time to pray!!

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and delivered Himself up for me." Galatians 2:20
This morning I was looking through the journal where each day I write the scripture out that Papa speaks to me. What a blessing His Word is to me. This is, in part, how I "live by faith."
His Word is a love letter to me (us). Every single day He has words of encouragement and comfort to give me. It is my choice whether I receive them or not. If I do not look into the Bible; if I do not take time to sit at His feet, I cheat myself out of so much of what He has for me.
Here are a few of the Words He has had for me:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17 - I am His new creation, even when I feel worn out and old!!
"Therefore , holy brethren, partakers of a heavenly calling, consider Jesus the Apostle and High Priest of our confession." Hebrews 3:1 - I am holy!! Whoa!! I have a heavenly calling!!! Consider; think on, look closely at Jesus!!
"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You." Isaish 26:3 - If I keep my eyes and heart fixed on Him; remembering who He is, which is All-Powerful, All-Wise, All-Loving, and In Control!! Then I have true peace.
My God can and does speak to my heart through all of life. I hear Him in others' words and actions; in nature and music. He delights in blessing His children; He loves to love us.
Before sitting down to write this post I puttered around our yard for a bit. I haven't had time to do this before now. Can you imagine what I found growing around our open well? Yes, more Queen Anne's Lace!! I also discovered that it has popped up at the entrance to our driveway!!
How these discoveries made my heart and face smile!
There is a whole lot to smile about even in the midst of all the struggle and heartache that has surrounded us of late. The simple fact that we are in the tender Hands of the Living God does it all by itself. Then there are a multitude of little things that I am determined not to overlook; the beauty of a day and the ability to enjoy it is one example. Something else that most of us never stop to be thankful for is something that my dear husband is smiling over - No more catheterizations!!!
I am heading outside to putter some more and am sure to find more to smile about too!

Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your blessings, see what God has done....
This is a report of good things happening!
Papa, as always, takes car of His kids!!
Ray and I went on a road trip today!
All the way to Hartford.
I drove him there myself, as we had practiced car transfers with the PT and did fine.
Since the appointment was at 8:45 AM I figured I had better leave extra time for rush hour traffic. We started our journey at 7:15 AM.
We managed to do the car transfer all by ourselves! Then I attempted to put the collapsible wheelchair in my truck. It doesn't collapse that much! (Note to self - rent a "real" collapsible one next time!!) With help from an aide who happened along we managed to push/pull the thing into my backseat.
I calculated enough time to pick up breakfast from a Dunkin Donuts drive thru. (Smile)
The staff at Glendale had offered to give my honey an early breakfast, but we opted for DD, of course!
The traffic was light, no snarls or slow-downs at all!
We pulled into the Hartford Hospital garage, found a handicap parking space in no time at all!
I thought it was going to take some time to coax the chair out of that backseat, but it came out with ease!
After another smooth car transfer and a brief ride in the elevator we stopped at the information desk to find out just how far the doctor's office was from there. Oh, just take this other elevator and get off on the sixth floor. On we went and when the door opened up and we were facing the place we needed to be!
Of course, there were forms to fill out. The questions that we were asked to answer were very entertaining. Here's an example: "Has your injury affected your social life?" "No, not at all, we are carrying on as usual!!
Before we could even get through all the forms (we might have taken a few minutes longer than needed, as we were having a bit of fun with them!), we were called into the examination room. And amazingly, the doctor walked in right afterward!
After studying the records and a brief exam Ray was sent across the hall for x-rays. These were quickly developed and we were ushered back to the exam room where the doctor explained that he doubts that Ray ever had a fracture of his C7, so lets "can this collar!" Ray told him that he liked him a lot! The doctor did assure us that the collar had been necessary due to the contusion at that spot; yet even though it isn't totally cleared up, it is safe to go without it now.
On the way out I asked if there was a co-pay and was told that we were all set!
Back to and into the car, including the chair that was extremely cooperative!
Upon our return to Glendale I got out my scissors and trimmed the bush that had been growing under my love's cervical collar. I followed this up with the electric razor.
And there sat my man!!! He's back!!!!!!!
Yesterday we had a meeting with the team that cares for Ray. They anticipate Ray coming home in about two weeks!! His dizziness has subsided quite a bit, which means that they have been able to be more aggressive with his therapy.
One hinderance to his homecoming will be whether his left leg improves enough for him to be able to do stairs at all. His left hip-flexer is still weak, so prayer is needed for it to regain its strength soon!
Once he comes home, Ray will have some at-home therapy, along with home health care. Afterward the out-patient PT will commence. He is slated to do this at Gaylord. There are places closer to home, but they are the best around, so I am glad he can go there.
Count any blessings yet?
Here's another one: Ray's union rep has been stopping by and will help run interference with the insurance for us!!!
Now here is one from Papa that was just for me. I had meant to mention it a few weeks ago, but I guess it was kept for this post.
I love wild flowers and find Queen Anne's Lace absolutely delightful. A number of times over the years I have attempted to transplant a plant or two to no avail.
Guess what is growing outside my front door? Yes! Those lovely lacey flowers!!
I know it is a love note from Papa to me; a reminder of how special I am to Him and that He takes note of every detail of who I am and what I enjoy. Every day I am reminded afresh of His tender love. He is so gracious!! He, Himself, tops the list of blessings!!

A plaque that hangs on one of our walls reads, "Life is fragile, handle with prayer."
Everywhere I turn I am reminded of just how fragile it is.
My husband seems fragile to me; frail really, which is a word that I usually reserve for the elderly. His body was strong not too long ago. It was strong as it was flung off his motorcycle and into the side of the car that suddenly was in his path. Now it is so frail that he fell yesterday. He was attempting to stand without calling for help. It didn't work.
Today found me in New York spending some time with my very fragile niece. My heart aches for her.
Everything about her seems so fragile. Her arms would look fine if they belonged to a child; her face seems so tiny to me; even her hair is a reminder of the battle she's been waging with a terrible enemy. Her tears are weak, broken by a small catch or sob that seems to barely escape through her lips.
She spent this past fifteen months or so fighting valiantly and thinking she had won. The enemy was silent and clandestine in its work only reappearing after it had secured new footholds in multiple places in this precious woman's body.
Sara is weary, weak, confused and in mourning. She doesn't know where she will find the strength to face this new battle. She doesn't understand why or how this happened. She did everything she was suppose to do.
She mourns her future, a future that is so tenuous and frail; she doesn't envision having the children she had hoped to welcome into her world; and what about her career as a teacher that she has loved?
So many questions, so much pain, so much sorrow, so much confusion.
If we do not come to the place where we recognize our own frailty and powerlessness, we are deceived and will lose more than a battle.
When we get to the place where we admit how frail we are and life is; how weak we are; how needy we are, well, that is the place where we can find what we need.
Strength in weakness, healing in the midst of pain and grief. All of this and more is found in God alone. Does this mean that physical healing always comes? That relationships are always made whole? No, but to be sure the relationship that does develop is one that makes all the pain and sorrow worth it! The spiritual healing that is available to us holds eternal value.
I am powerless to heal my loved ones and powerless to strengthen them. But as I admit this fact, His strength comes pouring into and through me to them.
I was reading E R McManus' book "Wide Awake" as I made my way home via the ferryboat. A question formed in my heart. How alive am I willing to be? To be really alive is to open myself up to all life has and that includes pain and sorrow.
Is it worth it? Yes, but I believe it only works with Christ. In Him I find hope and a promised future. He promises to personally wipe away all my tears when I see Him face-to-face!
Life isn't easy, but it is worthwhile, especially when we live it with the Creator of all life.
These are some of the things my niece and I talked about today.
Writer Anne Lamont commented in her book, "Bird by Bird", that "We are given a shot at dancing with or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing (or dancing) can change the hearts and spirits of the people (including ourselves) who are together on that ship." (my words in parentheses)
This takes living in the now. Taking life as it comes and not allowing ourselves to be cheated out of life in the present because of what will be or might be around the next corner.
I choose to dance and maybe add a song or two along the way. Care to join me?

In the past forty-eight hours I have noticed myself using two words frequently. What are they? "Too much." Yes, too much. Everything has seemed too much.
What do I do when life gets to be "too much?"
I talk to Papa.
That sounds so pious, doesn't it?
Well, I do talk to Him and give Him all of it. At least I think I give it all to Him!
Then what do I do? I see if I can push myself over the edge; I start projects, of course.
Today I started painting Ray's and my bedroom. This is something I was intending to do this summer and I do want to have it done before he comes home....
But did I have to start it today?? On a day when I am sad and weary? On a day when it is humid?
To top it off I need to mention that I hate to paint! Too many details to take care of before you even pick up a brush.
Papa lets me get myself into a corner and then we have a good laugh. Okay, He laughed! I was looking to revive my sense of humor wasn't I?
After painting for hours it became very obvious that the "one coat" paint is going to take a second coat. Knowing what my schedule looks like for this coming week and that the room can not remain in its current state for too long, it occurred to me that I had better get some help.
It took years for me to ever come to the place where I would ask for help. I would just become a crazed woman; very pleasant to be around!
The help is available this week! Thank You Papa!
Such craziness and right after I had made a note to myself to relax and embrace the moment more than I have been doing of late, which is probably what happened to my sense of humor!
Yesterday I attended a memorial service that was a celebration of that ray of sunshine I had mentioned a number of days ago. It was a joy to sit there and learn more about her. At one point a song was played that spoke of this being the time and the dance. At the word dance it had my attention! The song told of someone who chose to dance and live life to the fullest. They chose to embrace the mystery and be all they could be.
My usual mindset is to seize the moment and dance; dance for and with my God. This past week I not only stopped laughing, but stopped dancing too. How sad.
Well, before you can correct a problem you have to recognize it. With Papa's help I will be dancing before I know it and I wouldn't be surprised if a giggle starts to rise up too until it is a full-blown laugh!!