Greetings my dear friends!
I trust that this finds you well and making the most of these days.
Opportunities abound!
Just not all of the ones we were expecting!
One thing I was expecting, that had been on my calendar pre-pandemic, was offering the meditation for my church this past Sunday.
The topic was Rest. Rest in God.
I did things a bit differently from past times.
Being a lover of words, in the past, I would really flesh out on paper what I would be saying. Thing is, if I was yielding myself to the Spirit, much of it never left the paper!
This time I simply had the Scripture references in front of me with a few other notes.
I sensed a difference. Greater freedom in the Spirit! And God showed up!
Very humbling and very freeing!
Another difference was that afterward, for the first time, I did not critique the meditation.
Part of a greater freedom!
It was Papa’s. It was His message and I certainly had no inclination to critique it!
What didn’t change was how I am left depleted. Generally I am wiped out for a couple of days following such an event.
This leaves me especially vulnerable, emotionally and spiritually.
This particular time my wise, all-knowing God had plans to use it to do a little refining of this lady.
One of the tools that the Lord has placed in my life to help me grow and discover more of who I truly am meant to be is the 12 Step Recovery Program. Through working those Steps, which have the Lord’s fingerprints all over them, one is given a systematic way of self-discovery and freedom. Every Step is done with Him, as well as a trusted person.
The 4th Step sounds so intimidating to most, when first considered.
“ Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
With time it becomes a way of life as Step 10 states:
“ Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.“
So the stage was set for Sunday evening.
Enter one of my sons, who happens to follow these Steps himself.
During our social-distanced visit our conversation turned to a time five years earlier when a family fissure occurred. He in his no beating around the bush, blunt way, reminded me of my role in the break.
I, honestly, had never looked at it from that particular perspective.
The revelation weighed heavily upon my heart.
Monday and Tuesday found me wrestling with a sense of disappointment, inadequacy and insecurity alternating with justification of my poor behavior those five years ago.
Each evening, before bed, I read a devotion to my husband.
Tuesday’s offering was clearly for me.
So was it about God’s judgement and disappointment in me, His child? No it was a gentle, loving touch from my Father telling me that I needed to be refreshed.
The devotional was about Elijah after he had been used of God and was so worn out. He also faced some serious opposition in the form of queen Jezebel, who threatened his life. (See 1 Kings 19)
He needed to be refreshed and then rested he would then be able to face the issue before him.
I was worn and needed a good, restorative sleep, which I hadn’t had the past two nights. Sensing Papa’s Presence, His love and acceptance I turned it all over to Him and slept well that night.
These past few days I have prayed, read, meditated and then spoke with a trusted friend. Neither my God nor my friend have judged me, but offered support and encouragement.
I cannot tell you how many things the Lord has brought my way on the subject of guilt, asking for forgiveness and restoration this week!
The process has been amazing to me. The Lord God is so wise and gracious.
Meditations!
Podcasts!
Music!
Some through my usual, daily readings, some from friends, who had no idea what I was working through!
Through those different offerings I was challenged to examine my motives and attitude.
In asking for forgiveness we can think ourselves the ‘better person’. Especially when others had a part too and aren’t owning it.
Apologizing needs to be only for one’s part without accepting anymore.
The focus is our ‘side of the street’. That is our only business.
How our apology is received is not our business either.
Use only necessary words and DO NOT add a ‘but’ in there! No excuses!
In other words humility is necessary. So is speaking truth in love!
The result? Peace in our hearts and possibly reconciliation.
Both are God’s part.
Before I sat down to write this post I wrote a letter that’s words have been taking shape all week. It sits in my mailbox now waiting to be picked up.
The weight has lifted and I rest in my God restored no matter how my offering is received.
You see He is my Shepherd.
He leads me and restores me!
To God be the the Glory!
“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”
Psalms 23:1-6 NASB
I trust that this finds you well and making the most of these days.
Opportunities abound!
Just not all of the ones we were expecting!
One thing I was expecting, that had been on my calendar pre-pandemic, was offering the meditation for my church this past Sunday.
The topic was Rest. Rest in God.
I did things a bit differently from past times.
Being a lover of words, in the past, I would really flesh out on paper what I would be saying. Thing is, if I was yielding myself to the Spirit, much of it never left the paper!
This time I simply had the Scripture references in front of me with a few other notes.
I sensed a difference. Greater freedom in the Spirit! And God showed up!
Very humbling and very freeing!
Another difference was that afterward, for the first time, I did not critique the meditation.
Part of a greater freedom!
It was Papa’s. It was His message and I certainly had no inclination to critique it!
What didn’t change was how I am left depleted. Generally I am wiped out for a couple of days following such an event.
This leaves me especially vulnerable, emotionally and spiritually.
This particular time my wise, all-knowing God had plans to use it to do a little refining of this lady.
One of the tools that the Lord has placed in my life to help me grow and discover more of who I truly am meant to be is the 12 Step Recovery Program. Through working those Steps, which have the Lord’s fingerprints all over them, one is given a systematic way of self-discovery and freedom. Every Step is done with Him, as well as a trusted person.
The 4th Step sounds so intimidating to most, when first considered.
“ Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
With time it becomes a way of life as Step 10 states:
“ Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.“
So the stage was set for Sunday evening.
Enter one of my sons, who happens to follow these Steps himself.
During our social-distanced visit our conversation turned to a time five years earlier when a family fissure occurred. He in his no beating around the bush, blunt way, reminded me of my role in the break.
I, honestly, had never looked at it from that particular perspective.
The revelation weighed heavily upon my heart.
Monday and Tuesday found me wrestling with a sense of disappointment, inadequacy and insecurity alternating with justification of my poor behavior those five years ago.
Each evening, before bed, I read a devotion to my husband.
Tuesday’s offering was clearly for me.
So was it about God’s judgement and disappointment in me, His child? No it was a gentle, loving touch from my Father telling me that I needed to be refreshed.
The devotional was about Elijah after he had been used of God and was so worn out. He also faced some serious opposition in the form of queen Jezebel, who threatened his life. (See 1 Kings 19)
He needed to be refreshed and then rested he would then be able to face the issue before him.
I was worn and needed a good, restorative sleep, which I hadn’t had the past two nights. Sensing Papa’s Presence, His love and acceptance I turned it all over to Him and slept well that night.
These past few days I have prayed, read, meditated and then spoke with a trusted friend. Neither my God nor my friend have judged me, but offered support and encouragement.
I cannot tell you how many things the Lord has brought my way on the subject of guilt, asking for forgiveness and restoration this week!
The process has been amazing to me. The Lord God is so wise and gracious.
Meditations!
Podcasts!
Music!
Some through my usual, daily readings, some from friends, who had no idea what I was working through!
Through those different offerings I was challenged to examine my motives and attitude.
In asking for forgiveness we can think ourselves the ‘better person’. Especially when others had a part too and aren’t owning it.
Apologizing needs to be only for one’s part without accepting anymore.
The focus is our ‘side of the street’. That is our only business.
How our apology is received is not our business either.
Use only necessary words and DO NOT add a ‘but’ in there! No excuses!
In other words humility is necessary. So is speaking truth in love!
The result? Peace in our hearts and possibly reconciliation.
Both are God’s part.
Before I sat down to write this post I wrote a letter that’s words have been taking shape all week. It sits in my mailbox now waiting to be picked up.
The weight has lifted and I rest in my God restored no matter how my offering is received.
You see He is my Shepherd.
He leads me and restores me!
To God be the the Glory!
“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”
Psalms 23:1-6 NASB
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