Revelation

Remember when I wrote about my realization that I wasn't really exercising my faith in Papa?  I was receiving, as the final word, what the doctors' and tests' evaluations were regarding my honey's recovery.  Upon that revelation I determined to deliberately place my trust and confidence in my Loving, Mighty God.

So I have been seeing Ray a little differently.  I have been determined to put no limits on my expectations of my God.  The world that surrounds us sends a different message.
Though I look to Papa I still need to be preparing for the possibility that Ray will be going on long-term disability.  Only by the grace of my God can I do the work without accepting it as inevitable.  My eyes and heart need to be fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith!

A thought came to me this morning, which I noted in my journal.  "Love moves knowledge from the cerebral to the experiential."  You see, I know my God is All-Powerful, All-Knowing and thus is able to work in our lives, but it needs to move from just something I have read about. 
His Love makes all the difference.  As I reflect on the ultimate demonstration of His Love, which was on the Cross, and receive it, then I begin anew to experience Him in His Fullness.
At a seminar that I attended a couple of years ago the speaker, Graham Cooke, had two large arches constructed and placed in the front of the sanctuary.  He used them to illustrate this process.  He named the arches "Knowledge" and  "Experience."  Graham explained that when you go through one arch you must then continue on and enter the second one, or what God has for you isn't complete.
Think about it.  Knowledge alone isn't enough; neither is experience.  Knowledge confirms the experience and experience personalizes knowledge.

Well, I have had a few experiences this week that have made what I know about Papa very real and personal!
Early in the morning Ray usually gets out of bed and shuffles his way to our bathroom.  I had taken to not watching him do this, as he always appears so weak and broken to me.  His left arm just hangs like a piece of dead meat.  I do not want to see him that way.
A few days ago I did open my eyes as he walked by me and was struck by the thought that his arm looked different.  It looked more alive.
Two weeks ago I arranged a massage at our home for my honey.  The therapist had told me afterward that she thinks his arm and hand just need to be called back to life, so to speak, and that I should massage his hand as I sit with him.
I began to do just that.
Yesterday she returned to give him another massage and commented on how different his arm and hand appeared.
Cool, but wait!   We were getting ready to help Ray up onto the table when he said there was something he wanted to show us.  He had just discovered that he could rotate his hand while his arm was hanging loosely by his side!

There is a song that has been going through my head and its first line is, "We all fall down and lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus." 
I don't want to stop at a crown, but want to lay myself at His feet! 

As I get to know Him better, I am struck more deeply with how much He loves me.  His love defines me.  Who am I?  I am His beloved!
I read something by David Jeremiah this morning.  He said that "problems have a way of becoming pulpits."  God's glory is revealed in and through the ups and downs of our lives.  This revelation is not just for others to discover, but for we ourselves.
Oh, that I wouldn't miss one bit of Him and His glory, as He weaves Himself through all of my life!

Full!

The past few days have been full..
Full of blessings!
Family and more family!!

Of course, there were the full -
Bellies-so many goodies to be sampled!
Smiles-so many good talks and laughs!
Hugs-so much love!
Hearts-to overflowing!!

Along with all of this there were heavy hearts.
My dear sister is finding the holidays too much to bear.  They were always a time to share with her daughter, but no more.  So she opted to stay home.  She has her fiancee` so she wasn't alone. 
I told her no apologies were necessary.
Another sister, who was very close to Sara, came with her family, but became so weighed down with sadness that she left early.  Again no apologies were necessary.

As I held my sister before she left, tears filled my eyes.
Tears more for my sisters than niece.  They have no Comforter.  How desolate they must feel.  How unnecessary. 
Mindy commented on how my faith makes such a difference in handling life's difficult times.
So true.

There is a promise made by Jesus in the fourteenth chapter of John that I experience regularly.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

There is no limit to who may claim this for themselves.  It is available from and through Jesus to everyone who comes to Him.  What an immeasureable gift!

One of the highlights of the weekend, thus far, has been learning that one of our nephews has begun a relationship with Papa!  We hadn't seen him in a number of years, but have prayed for him.  As we all have done, he had made some poor choices, yet in the midst of the consequences he met Jesus!
This news not only warmed my heart, but lifted the heaviness.  It was a reminder that Papa cares for each individual and is at work all the time. 
I picture a smile coming to His face when we ask Him for something that is close to His heart.  Others coming into relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ, tops the list, I am sure!

Seeing the results of prayer and the work of the Grace of God fills my heart more than anything else does or could.  Add joy to the peace.   That is from Jesus too!  In the fifteenth chapter of John it is laid out for us.

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you.  By this is My Father glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples.  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love.  These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full."

And when He makes it full, it is to overflowing!!

Thanksgiving, Of Course!

Thanksgiving is upon us..
As I wrote those words the thought came to me that thanksgiving should be a way of life.  There is so much to be thankful for every day.
Yet, holidays are special..

I love the gathering of family.  Today I read an article in our local newspaper by Mitch Albion on the subject of Thanksgiving the holiday.  He loves this particular holiday because, more than any other, it is simply about families and close friends gathering together.  It is time for the extended visit, the long hug; a time when all the pressures of life take a break.  There is no concern over whether we have found the perfect gift or if we have overlooked anyone.  The day is a day to enjoy relationships with gratitude.

We will have twenty-two people gathered around our table tomorrow.  There should have been more.  Our oldest and his family will not be in attendance.  We haven't shared a Thanksgiving together in over ten years.  This year was suppose to be different.  Unfortunately, life happens and changes our plans.
Our son called me this morning to let me know that they would not be making the trip from West Virginia after all.  As we ended our conversation I felt sadness filling my heart and tears filled my eyes.
I started to feel grumpy and decided to indulge the feeling for a while. 
Papa doesn't let me get too far with those kind of choices!  With one gentle, yet convicting, thought everything was put into perspective.  There is too much to be thankful for to be grouchy.

I am thankful...
that I am His and He is mine
that I have a loving and large family
                                  and we enjoy each other (!)
that Ray and I have each other
                                  and he is recovering (!)
that we are all healthy
that my God gladly allows me to be me
that He expresses Himself through me in a way that is unique to who I am
that everything that comes into my life (good and bad) are an opportunity to know Papa better
that I do not have to rely upon following a list of rules to be able to be called a Christian
that we have a home in which we can welcome others

Last year on the day before Thanksgiving Ray spotted a local man walking down the street.  He doesn't drive and walks to town every day.  (I have passed him with his thumb out many a time.)
Well, Ray got into his truck and gave him a ride to town.  During the drive Ray discovered that he had no where to go for Thanksgiving. 
The man is a bit excentric.  He lives in a house that is more a shack than anything and doesn't take very good care of himself.
That day he got an invite to our house and the following day, after being picked up by my honey, he joined us in celebrating Thanksgiving at our table.

Two days ago our son, Tim, gave this man a ride and again he received an invitation to join us.  Tim will be picking him up tomorrow so he can, once again, join us in our Thanksgving meal.
When Tim had learned who was joining us last year, he actually announced in on Facebook.  He couldn't believe it!  You see, most everyone in our town knows of this man.
So sad that it took us so many years to think to reach out to him!
The man was comfortable conversing with Ray and we were impressed by how eloquent he was.  What is that saying?  "Don't judge a book by its cover?"

Yes, there is so much to be thankful for and such an amazing God to thank.  As my family gathers tomorrow many emotions will be present.  This is our first holiday without Sara.  It will be bittersweet, but may the sweet win out.  I am certain that would be her wish.  She was always concerned for others.
Even more importantly, Papa would have us lift out eyes and hearts to Him and express thanksgiving for all He is and does. 
If our eyes and hearts are fixed on Him thanksgiving will be the mark of the day and our lives.

He Got My Attention!

In the past few days I have been made aware afresh of Papa's love for me. 
The awareness was triggered by the fourth through seventh verses of the second chapter of Ephesians.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, in Christ Jesus, in order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."

He loves us so deeply!
As I reflected on this wonder I thought of how His blessings keep coming day after day.  What He has done in me He enables me to keep a hold on; all of it! 
He does it all.  He supplies it all.
Whatever He asks of me - He supplies.  He never asks something of me that He expects me to do on my own.  It is all from and through His great riches that He has given to me!

Such love!  Such grace!
I walked into the church service this morning with these thoughts alive in my heart and mind.  Today we had a guest preacher and, at first, I was having a hard time paying close attention to what he was saying.  He led up to his main point; forgiveness.  It was the direction that he took from there that captured my attention.
The man asked what it took to really experience forgiveness.  I think he really was asking what it takes for us to really sense that we need to receive forgiveness. 
Don't we need to realize that what we did hurt another person?  If we did something and it didn't affect anyone would it need forgiving?
At times, it might appear that no one else is affected, but God always is.  Yet He is God and doesn't have the same feelings as us, does He?   So He can just move on, right?
No, the Living God has feelings, deep emotions.  All you have to do is read scripture and you will discover that to be true.  Our God is a passionate God!

The speaker spoke of how God calls Himself our Husband or Father.  These are very personal, intimate terms and certainly bring our relationship with Him into a different light.  As Husband or Father He pursues us because He loves us and desires true intimacy with us.  When we sin, we hurt Him.  Imagine, asked the preacher, how God feels as Husband or Father, when we do something to hurt Him!
Now if we only view God as God, as the High and Lifted-up One; the Holy One and do not factor in Who, from His perspective, He is for us, then we aren't really going to get how deeply we cause Him pain.

The Cross reflects how deeply He loves us and how painful our sin is for Him.  He, the Father, wants His rebellious children to come home.  He, the Husband, desires a faithful wife.  He is calling us in love to love Him back.
When we love someone we do not want to hurt them.  When we do, which is inevitable, and we see them in pain, we repent of what we have done and plead forgiveness.  When the one we wronged loves us they desire to forgive us and have the relationship restored.
We have all been hurt by others.  Take a minute and think about the pain.  Papa experiences that same pain.
Imagine that!  We are able to cause our God pain.  Only because He loves us so much!

What I find so amazing is that He longs for us to repent so He can offer us forgiveness.

Don't these truths cause you to go to your knees, first in repentance, then love, gratitude and awe?!
One day every knee will bow and every tongue proclaim Jesus is LORD!
By not waiting for that day to bend your knee to such a magnificent God, you get to enjoy Him, not only as your God and Savior, but your Papa; your intimate Friend!!

Yes, He certainly got my attention!

Pride and Unbelief

This month finds me hanging out in the Old Testament book of Second Kings.  Pride in the lives of the people of God is evidenced over and over.  Forgetting one's past and who God is and what he has done begins the downward trek to the illusion of self-sufficiency; the attitude that my way is better.
In the case of the people of the northern kingdom the end result was to be removed from the Presence of God.  I cannot image anything worse!!

Good thing I'm not prideful!  Yeah - Right!!

What is it when....
I try to shoulder my burdens myself?
I get angry at those companies, etc. that are not cooperating with me?
I try to be superwoman?

When I was a very young girl I had this one fantasy that most nights I used to put myself to sleep.  I had super powers and I would rescue people.  Then everyone would love me.  I was valued in those fantasies.

Now I know that I am valued for myself by the One Who created me.  In Zephaniah I read that "He rejoices over me with singing!"
It is when I forget how valued I am and what He has done and is able to do that I head down that downward path.

It can get pretty ugly and very fast!  You see, we become like what we follow, what we worship.
I want my eyes to be fixed on Him, "the author and perfector of my faith!" 
I want others to meet Him when they meet me. 
This takes humility.  (No wonder I wander so easily!)
One place that humility is seen is in the acceptance of others just as they are.  That is what Jesus does.  He accepts us just as we are.
However, He doesn't intend to leave us the way He found us and He is able to do something about it!  Instead of trying to "fix" each other what we can do is bring one another to Him.  Prayer does just that!
Why would I neglect to bring others to Him?  Do I think that I can help in any better way?  Could it be unbelief?

Yesterday David Jeremiah's devotional addressed unbelief.  When Jesus walked this earth He did many miraculous things.  Not many in His hometown.  Scripture says that "He did not do many works there because of their unbelief."
One day a father brought his son to Jesus for healing.  The boy was demon-possessed.  The father said, "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"  Jesus said to him, "'If You can!'  All things are possible to him who believes."
The father's response?  "I do believe; help my unbelief."

In response to this reading I echoed the father's response.  "Oh, Papa, I do believe; help my unbelief!"
In my last posting I listed a few blessings that I was grateful for.  My husband's healing was not on the list.  Oh I am sure that it is evident that I am grateful for how far Ray has come, however, it was revealed to me that I had been buying into the limits that the medical community had set on his future healing.
No more!

I have let go of the limits that I had set on what God will do.  Of course, He CAN do all things, but I think I just wasn't expecting Him to do that much more. 

In the thirteenth chapter of Second Kings we find the account of Joash the king of Israel coming to Elisha the prophet.  The prophet was dieing and the king was distaught.  Elisha told him to look to the future and believe what God will do.  As a demonstration of faith the king was told to strike the ground with his arrows.  He struck three times and no more.
Elisha told him that he should have struck more times.  It would have been a sign of confidence.
Joash limited his future by his unbelief.

If I had arrows in my hand right now I would strike the ground until my arm could no longer lift my hand!

Blessings in Spite of all the (In)Conveniences

We live in a complicated world.  So many "conveniences" - too many!

Computers.
I held out for a long time.  Sometimes I wish I never gave in.
Yet, how in the world does one function without the things?
I would be at a loss!

Cell phones.
This one I resisted too, but now I depend upon that thing too!

Then we have ipods.
I never even gave them a thought until my honey bought one for me, so I could have my music in Asia.  It was a blessing.

The problem with all these things is that I don't want to know how they work, I just want them to do what they suppose to do!
Until seven months ago I was all set.  My man would always come to the rescue.  Now he is even more confused than I am!

Even land lines (house phones) aren't simple anymore!
The day after Ray's accident our phones didn't work and continued to give us trouble for quite a few weeks. The repairman and I had become friends by the time it all got straightened out!
Ray's computer started displaying strange messages.  That didn't matter too much because I could not get beyond the desktop, as Ray had everything passcoded and I had no idea what the codes were!
Well, Papa sent help.  He, in deed, is my Redeemer on so many levels!

Let's fast forward to the present.  My go to friend for computer help is not in town these days...
My trusty laptop is showing signs of impending trouble.  Yikes!!
My cellphone decided to begin on the downward path to self-destruction.  Oh No!
Even my ipod is having trouble.  Well, the thing that it plugged into so I could use it in the car is kaput and that is where I used it.  Bummer!

I have no idea what I can do about the computer.
The cellphone has been replaced.  I am now trying to learn how to use the thing.  Why do they have to keep changing things??!!
And the ipod...I guess I'm back to my old cd's.

Complications seem to be the theme these days. 
The process that had to be worked through after the theft of Ray's wallet was not simple...
Phone calls.
Logging on to accounts that are on auto-pay..Now what was that password??

I keep thinking that I will be able to set up a schedule where I can just sit and start to write the book that is in my head.
Now Papa?  Not yet.

In the middle of all that this adventure brings my way Papa has a re-occuring message for me.
Be In The Moment.
Do Not Miss The Blessing I Have For You Right Now.
Wait And Watch.
You Will See What I Am Doing And Rejoice!!

Though our God is beyond comprehension; He is not complicated.  His way is not complicated.
And He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  He never has and never will change.
As we seek Him, we can be sure of Who we will find.  Though His ways are far above our ways, they are good, as He is good.

Today I was speaking with a precious friend and I told her that I have come to the conclusion that to follow Him is hard.  The path is not lined with primroses.  Often there are many thorns, many challenges. 
Actually life is not easy.  We have times or moments that are not so challenging, but something else will arise to give us a run for our money.  This will be the case whether we follow Him or not.
The difference is that with Him we know that the final result will be worth it all!

The verse that Papa gave me the night of Ray's accident says it all.
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.  Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD."
Psalm twenty-seven, verses thirtheen and fourteen.

Yes, I will wait for the LORD!  And as I wait and watch I do see blessings. 

Dear friends; such treasures!  
A growing friendship with my daughter-in-law!
Precious faithful sons who love their parents!
Our every need met so beautifully..
The opportunity to learn to rest in Him and possibly learn to be a little more patient..
I am so glad that He is patient with me!  Ah...  Another blessing!

What better time to count our blessings and name them one by one?

Shine

While drifting off to sleep last night thoughts came and went without much notice.  That is until one arrived and decided to settle in for a little while.  I do believe it was something from Papa and as it and I visited I became certain that it was the next entry for this blog.

Twenty-three years ago this past August Ray and I, along with three sons, plus the beginnings of our Tim, (He was born the following May) moved to Connecticut.  The neighbors next door were very friendly and welcoming, so it wasn't long before we were sharing tea in each other's home.
The family was made up of a couple with one son, who was elementary age.
Yes, there was three of them, however, we rarely saw the father.  You see he had Parkinson's and that really made his wife angry.  Of course, we didn't know any of this right away.
The man's nickname was "Shine."  The name came from how bright a smile he had and what a very friendly sort he was. 
Could have fooled us.
Until he happen to venture outside a few times while his wife was out doing errands! 
The poor man was berated by his wife all day long.  We could hear her screaming at him.  When anyone came to visit, she would send him to another room, because "he wouldn't understand anyway."
He had a disease, for heavens sake!  One way the disease manifested itself in Shine was by taking away his ability to make any facial expressions.  He kept his head down, but when you addressed him he would slowly look up and his eyes expressed what his face failed to.  Of course, he understood and loved to be with people and take in all that was said.  Unfortunately, he didn't get much opportunity to do so.
One of the joys for me was that I had opportunity to speak to him of Jesus and before he died Shine had begun a relationship with his Savior!

Why did I share this story?  Well, because of what I believe Papa helped me understand about Shine's wife.  You see, Shine had been a strong, lively man until the disease took over.  His wife missed that man; she was angry that he had been taken from her.  Now she had to handle everything on her own.  Their son barely remembered what his father had been like before becoming ill.  All of this weighed heavily upon her and she had no where to take these burdens.

I miss my strong, lively husband.  Much weighs heavily upon me, at times.  The difference is that I have somewhere to take all the burdens.  Not just somewhere, but to Someone!

Today was another opportunity to bring a burden or two to Him.

Last Wednesday Ray lost his wallet.  We didn't really worry because he only had gone to Gaylord and back, so we figured it would turn up.
It did...Sort of...
Turns out that someone must have stolen it while he was swimming in the pool at Gaylord.  Today a credit card company called to say that there had been some unusual activity on our card; all of it in Connecticut.
It makes me sad that people would do such a thing.

Okay, so now we know.  All I had to do was cancel whatever other cards were in that wallet.  Ah..that is where the fun began.
I had no idea what was in Ray's wallet.  I had no idea what credit cards he had.  He had a very creative way of handling things.  Yes, I called it creative financing.  The women at our credit union called it "Ray's flim-flam."  He didn't do anything wrong, but his way of accounting and keeping track of information did not follow a logical sequence at all.
Hopefully, after searching files and making numerous phone calls, I think it is all straightened out.

I had a brief time of being mad at my "previous" husband...the old Ray.  Why did he have to do things this way??  I use to tell him that if he went first I was going to donate his brain to science and see if they could figure it out!  

Last night I had watched him get out of bed on his own, which I encourage him to do, and walk across the room very slowly.. with his left arm just hanging as he moved.  He looked so weak and broken; so much less than he use to be.
Is that true?  Is he less?  No!  He is still as valuable as ever.
I am confident that our God has a good plan.
Today as I reflected on the latest challenge I shook my head.  Wasn't his accident enough?  When does it come to an end?
A conviction surfaced and grew stronger.  There is a purpose to all of this, down to every single detail.  I will trust Him.
I wouldn't mind receiving the nickname "Shine" because Jesus' smile shines through me.  So I will not only hang in there, but I will hang onto the One who is faithful and all-knowing!

I want to close with two thoughts from my time with Papa this morning. 
"Spending time in His Word and in His Presence is getting a transfusion of heavenly culture."  (A combo of David Jeremiah's words and mine.)
"God does not do the proclaiming in nature, nature does."  (thank you, Brennan Manning)
Psalm nineteen says, "The Heavens declare the glory of God." 
How does nature proclaim Him?  By its beauty, power and intricacies.  Every detail of life reflects Him, if we but watch and listen!
I want to watch and listen for such proclamations and join in.  Can I do less?