Growing Up

Monday will mark my entrance into the sixties.  It seems surreal to me.  In many ways I do not even feel grown up, let alone sixty!
In these sixty years I have learned many lessons.  Some lessons need relearning now and again, if not rather frequently.  At times I wonder when I will really "get it."
The other day I shared a few thoughts on the need to keep one's focus on the Giver of good gifts and not the gifts themselves.  Isn't it interesting how we can share such thoughts and dispense good advice and yet not apply it to ourselves?

I have been very restless; out of sorts, but being an expert in the craft of denial, I have ignored my condition.
Yesterday I got stuck on a hill (seven hills, for those familiar with the area) and because of road conditions, other vehicles and visibility I could not go either up nor down.  It took three phone numbers before I reached someone at home, but the final connection sent Matt and his friend my way.

I spent the time waiting for their arrival with crying.  I felt so helpless, so overwhelmed, so ridiculous!
I taught driving for a number of years and navigated many students through such conditions, but there I sat waiting for help!

What's my problem?
The path I find myself on is not to my liking.  No news there. 
Too much of my day is taken up with responsibilities that I find tedious at best.  Just when things seem to be lightening up, something else arrives on my plate.
We are transitioning from STD (Short-term disability) to LTD (Long-term disability).  No easy feat, it seems.
We are exchanging one disability company for two.
We are also transitioning to different medical coverage.
This entails many phone calls which require the same information over and over again and that is just to get to a real person!
The most challenging part for me is that once I get a person to speak with they refer me to yet another phone number and so the cycle continues!  Most of these people do not have definite answers for me, which is why I am asked to call yet another number.
Oh, I could go on, but you get the picture.

It is wearisome.
It doesn't need to be.
The problem has not been in all the details, but how I am approaching them. 
On my own.

Where is God in all of this?
With me.
I just forget that now and again.
He calls me to abide in Him.  That means to take up residence; to make a place your permanent home.  Sometimes I act as if He is only temporary shelter.  Sigh.

Jesus came to set me free and in Him I am free indeed.  Yet, how easily I accept a chain or two and the encumberance that accompanies them.
But, oh joy (!) My God's love and grace are extravagant and the moment I look to Him, the chains fall away!

Today something Jesus said was brought to mind.  He said that those who are faithful in little things will be faithful in the big things.  It starts with the small details of life.
To be faithful I know I must "die to self."  That really is a symbol of freedom; an opportunity to be a "living sacrifice."  In other words I need to "let go and let God" in ALL THINGS!

The blessings flow through the challenges.  That is what makes they true blessings.  Blessings that last.  Blessings that have the mark of eternity; that have gone through the refiners fire.
On my own I am not up to the task.  Thank God I am not in this alone.  With Him and in particular, in Him I can do all things. 
I might even grow up a little more!
Though in many ways I will always be His little girl...

Fruits and Purses

Last night I experienced the joy of having a few of my favorite young adults gather in my home.  It does one's heart good to spend time with people who have hearts after God at a young age.

We spent some time looking at the "fruit of the spirit."  No matter what a person's age or experience, if we are willing to be open; to ask questions and share thoughts, we can always learn from one another.  Last night was evidence of that fact.

Once conclusion we came to was that the fruit of the spirit is love.  All the rest of the fruits spring from and are motivated by the first, love.  You cannot begin anywhere else.  For example, where would the joy spring from if love wasn't present first?

This walk begins with a realization that Papa loves us very deeply.  Then we respond in kind.  In First John we read, "We love Him because He first loved us."
Everything flows from love, His love.  And that love, according to Paul in First Corinthians, the thirteenth chapter, "hopes all things."  Hope is a confident expectation in God.  Hope knows an answer is coming.

Papa spoke to my heart in love, as our group spoke together last night.  He continued the message this morning.
Of what am I certain?  Only one thing.  I am certain that He loves me.  This One, who loves me, is in control.  Yes, no matter what things look like at any given time - He is still in control.

The LORD and I have been taking a look at the subject of giving.
In a few months our financial situation will, most likely, be changing.  It appears that there will be less to go around.  In preparation for the changes I have taken a close look at our budget.
It was an eye opener!  How can food cost so much??

At the dinner table the other night one of our sons was reminiscing over the great variety of food that was being delivered to us in first few months after Ray's accident.  Everyone made their favorite dishes and a lot of them become our favorites!
This was greatly appreciated and definitely made a dent in last year's expenditures.  Thank you, one and all!

Honestly, I am not concerned about putting food on our table.  Hey, a little more pasta never hurts! 
Sitting with Jesus and reflecting on the grace of giving I realized what does bother me.
If our income is less, then our giving will be less.  :(
However, it isn't as noble as it sounds.

A comment that Mindy jokingly makes on occasion gets to the bottom of what is bothering me.  She's been heard to say, "I do what I want!"  This is usually said right before she does what she really doesn't want to do!

You see, this lady, also, likes to do what she wants.  Hopefully, often it is something that Papa wants, but not necessarily!
A question came to my spirit, "Do you think that you will be unable to give all that I, the LORD, desire you to give?"
No...
"Whose will do you seek to do?"
Oh....

He is in control.  That thought moved from my head to my heart.
His grace is the reason I need not worry or fret.

His grace is why I will seek to practice the kind of giving that Jesus spoke about in the twelfth chapter of Luke, verses thirty-two through thirty-four.
I had wondered over what He had said.  "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys.  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Purses that do not wear out?  All I can think is that these purses are not required to carry too much.
It would be easy to store away our treasures for a rainy day.  It is much more satistying to share our treasures with those who are experiencing a rainy day right now or those who are helping them.

This walk of faith only works when our eyes are on the One who is worthy of our trust.  He has a good plan.  His goal for each of us is to make us just like Jesus.  What could be better?   Only He can work such a miracle!

This year I am reading through "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers.  The reading this morning was thought provoking.  It rang true to me.  I am dependent upon the Spirit of God to give me the power and strength to follow in faith.  I dare not rely upon the changes in me, even though He did the changing.  My eyes must be on Him, anything and everything else will fail me.

So Papa I look to You to bear Your fruit in me and, by the way, my purse is all Yours!

Grace

It is a good thing that I didn't make any resolutions, because, if I had, I would have broken them already!!
Yesterday I blogged about my desire to see more of the fruit of the spirit in my life.  This morning the fruit was seriously lacking!

My honey wasn't cooperating. 
He insisted that he'd like to attend church this morning and then didn't get up.  Once he did come to the table for breakfast, which needed to be eaten quickly, the commentary began.
Where's my coffee?  Where's my newspaper?  You aren't going to serve me? 
It didn't stop.
I am sure he thought he was being funny, however I wasn't finding the humor in any of it.
I wasn't feeling the love!
Joy didn't seem to be on the horizon and forget about peace!  I wanted to strangle him! 
Self-control did seem to be available, so he is still breathing.

After breakfast we did his therapy.  The mad dash was on!
I headed to the car with my Bible and a few other items and Ray went into the "library" and proceeded to read.
Somehow we were only fifteen minutes late.

The first Sunday of the month our church celebrates the LORD'S Supper.  I like to be in a good place spiritually when I approach this special celebration. 
I considered refraining from partaking.  Yet, during our drive to the church building Papa soothed my spirit and calmed me down.  He helped me to focus on Him and the service that we would be attending shortly.
The morning was going to be extra special.  A dear man that I know, who has overcome some big obstacles and has become an encouragement and inspiration to many, was being baptized.
I was glad that it was happening at the end of the service, so I knew I wouldn't miss it.

If I had hung onto my frustration I would have not been able to experience the joy that was woven through the service.  Thank You, LORD God for lifting me out of that miry pit!  Thank You Holy Spirit for allowing me to experience the fruit of joy.  Along with the joy came the illusive peace all of which was wrapped in love!

Reflections on Resolutions

Once again a new year has begun.  I find it curious that such a fuss is made over the event.
It is as good a reason to gather with friends as any and that is exactly what Ray and I did last night.
We joined four other couples, most of whom we hadn't seen in a while, and visited, played games and actually greeted the new year together!  It wasn't but a few minutes later that Ray and I lead the exodus to our respective homes and comfy beds!

No one spoke of resolutions last night, probably because we all knew better.  I am certain that there wasn't one person among us who had not made a new year's resolution in the past to no avail.  Human nature being what it is, we resolve to do or change something, but often find it takes more than we have to sustain it.  I, myself, gave up on the practice long ago.

The turn of the year does offer a good opportunity to review the past year and look forward to the new one.  I have done so for many years now.

Papa and I spent some extended time together this morning and discussed where I am and where He intends me to head.  This discussion didn't begin today though.  It is something that had been brewing for quite a while.

When the Living God wants to get a message across He pulls out all stops and presents it from as many directions as necessary.  He has been doing this with me.

I do believe that He wants me to write a book.  Yikes! 
I vacillate between fear and confidence.  It all depends upon whether I am thinking I have to do this myself or if I am trusting Him to continue to lead me.

Before Ray's accident I had been sensing Papa's prompting and had shared the idea with a few friends.  Then April fourteenth happened.
For the past few months I have been, once again, sensing that the time was coming for me to get serious about writing. 
In December we had the joy of having a visit from a dear Russian couple.  The husband, Sergei, had written a book, but he had no idea that I was considering such a thing. 
One morning Sergei announced to me that he had something to say.  "When are you writing your book?"
It seems that Papa spoke to him about this subject too!
Sergei pressed until I made the commitment to begin.

The first step is a schedule.  If we don't set aside specific time and guard it, it will leave no time for any project we are prompted to undertake.
I am a morning person.  My mind is much clearer at the beginning of the day.  I also find it very difficult to stop once I step fulling into the day and it takes off.

The next step was to enlist my family's support, particularly the ones who reside with me!  They were very supportive, though couldn't resist a little humor.  Will I neglect them??  Will I remember them when I am famous??  Will the book become a screen play??  Ray's lament was that he will need to be out of bed by eight in the morning from now on!
Well, I do not imagine any fame will be finding me, nor will the book be something to be made into a movie!  As far as neglecting them... or Ray having to adjust his time of arising for the day...
It'll do all of us some good!

Each year I like to take time to receive scripture from my loving Papa.  The verses are to be woven into my life; whether they be promises or exhortations.  Often many of the verses are ones that are carried from the previous year.
The focus for this year will continue on worship of my amazing God and my identity and call.
He also gives me specific verses for my Honey, each of our sons, their wives/girlfriends, grandchildren and now our great-grandchild, Ariana!
I use these verses to fashion prayers for each of us, as the Holy Spirit directs.  Over the years so many specific answers have come that reflect those prayers!
How gracious is my God!!

Papa had me spend some time this morning in the later part of the fifth chapter of Galatians. It is the section on "the fruit of the spirit."
It would be easy to read this passage and then "resolve" to apply the principles.  That would be a mistake.
To attempt anything on our own is an exercise in futility! 
Now exercise is good and it is part of my schedule, but who wants to begin the new year in such an exercise!

However, yoked with our LORD and Savior, nothing is impossible.
With Him here is what I desire to see bear fruit in me:

Love - Receive the love He offers and then love Him back.  Then He will love others through me!
          Much easier this way.
Joy - This allows no room for cynism, which according to Max Lucado is "the tool of a lazy thinker." 
         Look to my God and then see through Papa's eyes.
Peace - I am forgiven!!   I have peace with God!!
        With that in mind I am free to extend that gift to others.
Patience -  To borrow again from Max - "no clenching of my fist in face of new challenges." 
         The only way to do this is with Him.
Kindness - Treat others as He treats me! 
         Not very possible on my own.
Goodness - Be honorable.  
         Many temptations can get in the way.

Faithfulness - Be trustworthy. 
         Keep eyes focused on Him.  He is the faithful One.
Gentleness - No battering of others or self.
         Keeping aware of how tender He is with me makes the difference.
Self-control - "I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal!"  (Max again)

A big order without Him, but with Him, glorious things can and will happen!

How worthy is He of worship!

One of the verses from Psalm twenty-nine that He gave me this morning speaks of worship.
"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due to His Name;
Worship the LORD in holy array."

Entering into and experiencing His Presence is the loveliest, most beautiful, most satisfying, amazing experience one can have this side of Heaven.
Seek Him and He will be found!   I believe that is one resolution that He will honor without our asking!!

Sight

Papa, they don't trust in You.  They don't see the need.
I want to shout!  I want to point out the foolishness of their idols!

Don't be silly!  There are no idols here!   We are free!
There is little to stir a fruitful conversation.

For the most part I watch and I listen.  My heart grows heavier.

Then You remind me that I asked to be able to see with Your eyes and respond with Your heart.  I am not alone here.  You are with me!  Together we see their hearts and hear the cry emanating with each beat.  And together we can love these dear ones.

All people desire comfort and love.
Alcohol masks as a reliable comforter for many.  What it is is a reliable deceiver.
Love?  Well, many times we do not believe we are lovable anyway.

Years ago I read the book "A Road Less Traveled."  The author's name alludes me, at the moment.  Foster?  I do remember what the premise of the book was and have referred to it often.
We must choose between two paths; one is the well-trodden path.  It is the familiar one.  There is pain there, but pain that we have come to live with to one degree or another; pain that we have learned how to mask.
The other path is also one that holds pain.  However, it is a healing, but unfamiliar pain.  It is scary.
What would it feel like?  Could I bear it?  Would it really bring healing?

That second path is the one where Papa would take us.  I cannot image taking that route without Him.   After all these years I cannot image anything without Him!  That would be scary to me!

A lie that has circulated for a long time it that we have to find our way to that second path on our own.  Once we clean up our act and figure ourselves out, well then God will accept us!

A big fat lie!  To quote one of my favorite verses:  Jesus said - "You can do nothing apart from Me."  Thank you Papa for moving John to write that down!
He reminded me yesterday that it is far better to admit our weakness and helplessness; for then the Power of God engages!  That Power stirs faith and then nothing is impossible!

All we need do is look to Him.  It is then that we begin the grandest adventure we could ever imagine!
It is in turning to Him that we experience the love that we so long to receive, the love that in the deepest part of our hearts we long for and know is waiting to embrace us.

I watched my granddaughter with her newborn.  She was playing with her dolly.  She seemed to be holding back a little, not as nurturing as I had hoped.
Papa reminded me that I, too, had been a momma at the age of nineteen.  Sure I had the past experience of helping to raise younger sisters, but I was still unsure of myself and definitely felt awkward in front of others.
With these remembrances I could then share with Jasmine and I could see her relax.

The biggest hurdle for me was her "girlfriend."  This was something that developed after she found herself pregnant.
There is nothing easy about either of their lives.  The choices they are making are simply compounding everything else.
Papa helped me see this other young woman through His eyes.
So unsure.  So angry.  Feels so unlovely, so unlovable.

They both have a baby to share and focus on.  Papa loves to work through children to demonstrate His love.
May they both, no all three, come to the realization of His great love!

Christmas was on my mind this morning and the thought came to me, through something I read by Manning. Christmas is celebrating God coming to earth, which serves to remind us that He will come again.  When He does we will no longer see "as in a mirror dimly," but face-to-face!

Oh that all would have eyes to see!  Papa give them sight!

We Are Family

Here I sit safe and sound in our son's living room.  Thank You, Papa!
I got into my car at twenty after five this morning and began the eight hour drive, hoping to beat the snow.  I did apart from some snow flurries and a stretch of messy road on the last leg of the trip!  The one snag was that the driver-side wiper decided not to do a thorough job of clearing the windshield with forty five minutes of the trip to go!  It made the last bit of my drive a little more interesting.  I had been feeling sleepy, but it is amazing how awake one becomes when seeing where you are driving becomes limited!

I left home reluctantly, as most of our family was still filling our house.  What fun we had yesterday!
As Matt, Jon and Tim were waging a war with their Nerf guns I recalled something a friend told me years ago.  "Inside every man is a twelve-year old boy."  How true!!
The other stocking stuffer that made a big hit was the ninety-nine cent balloon launcher!
My honey sat watching and relishing their antics!

Once the battle was over we all gathered around the dining room table and played the game I received for Christmas; "Apples to Apples."  Once a player reached the winning number of cards someone else would plead for the game to continue to a higher level of earned cards.  Dinner had to be delayed for the game!

The other day my chiropractor's receptionist asked if we were going to have a full house for Christmas.  I replied that just three of our sons and two of their ladies would be with us.  Her response was, "Well, then you are definitely having a full house.  Just two of your sons fill this waiting room!
It wasn't that long ago that it was only Ray and I in the house for the most part.  Now our house is much more lively.  We love it!
It is so amazing how God works so much good from the hardest things!

As I settle in here for a few days, I will be watching for more of the good that He intends.

HARK!

Christmas Eve!  For me, it comes with a sense of peace and joy and acceptance.
I pray that each one of my dear family and friends feel it too.

In this atmosphere I can enjoy more fully all that God has done and is doing in this family and especially for my husband. 
The doctors had warned that the most dramatic improvements would take place in first six months.  We have passed the eight month mark and it seems that every day, as of late, there is more marked improvement!  Ray can move all his fingers on his left hand now!  He has more clarity of thought regularly too!  My honey is also becoming more independent, with a lot of encouragement from his family!

After Ray and I celebrate with three of our sons and their lovely ladies I will head to West Virginia on Sunday.  There I will visit with our oldest and his family.
There are issues.  Surprise!
What family doesn't have them?
It is my prayer that Papa would be free to love them through me.

Hopefully, I will be afforded time and a computer to check in here once in a while.  I will return home on the thirtieth, LORD willing!

Let me take a few minutes to share what has been going through my mind and filling my heart.
The Christmas Carol, "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing" has been the theme of my mind's thoughts and my heart's stirrings.

Hark means to listen attentively.  That means give all your attention to it!
Listen closely to what these angels are singing! 
"Glory to the newborn King;  Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!"

This is news worth listening to and taking to heart!  God has come down to bring us into relationship with Himself!  Only He could bring about the reconciliation.  We were and are unable on our own.

Peace on earth!  Doesn't look that way, does it?  Look more closely!  Listen more attentively!
No matter what man is up to, at the moment, when we are reconciled with God, then we indeed have peace!

The song calls us to joyfully rise and join the angelic host to proclaim this Good News,  "Christ is born in Bethlehem!" 
The Christ, which is Greek for Messiah, the promised One, the One we have been waiting for!  (Whether we knew it or not!)

The carol goes on to proclaim Him the everlasting LORD, the incarnate Deity, Emmanuel (God with us!), Prince of Peace, Sun of Righteousness!
This One brings light, life, healing!
This One laid His glories aside so "man no more may die!"  Eternal life!  So much more real than the life we live right now!

Together and one by one let us Listen Closely and then take to heart the Good News which is for each and everyone of us!!
For every individual that does it will be the Merriest Christmas of all!!