It feels like we haven't spoken in quite a while. I think of you often through my day, but it isn't always easy to find the time to sit down for a chat with you. It takes me time to settle down and gather my thoughts, so I don't if I can't.

The above paragraph is for you dear reader(s) though it could be for Papa too. However, He and I do communicate even when I am on the run. Yet, He and I both miss the leisurely times of fellowship. I know that there are different seasons in our lives and we (I) need to go with them. Flexibility is needed.

Why is it that I so easily buy into the thinking that He isn't pleased with short times of "just the two of us"? It is often all that is available at the moment and Papa doesn't expect anything that we can't give to Him. He is not demanding, nor unreasonable. Quite the contrary. He is extravagant in His giving. He loves to bless! He has so much to give and the path of discovery is through our relationship with Him.

The Apostle Paul knew that and expressed as much in his epistle to the Ephesians. I have used his words when talking to Papa about a number of people. Here's Paul's prayer as it reads from The Message: "I ask-ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory-to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing Him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is He is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life He has for His followers, oh the utter extravagance of His work in us who trust Him-endless energy, boundless strength!"

What power and blessing is available to us through Jesus!!
Are we blessed or what??!!


The blessings do keep pouring in...
Meals....
Friends to spend time with my honey..
To drive him to Gaylord...
Time with special friends of my own...
Good doctors and therapists....
Even....
Answers regarding Ray's pension!!
This has been weighing upon my mind. Decisions don't need to be made as of yet, but I want to have everything in order. Questions such as, "Will we be able to afford to stay in this house a while longer?" need answering.
Answers are coming! Ah....

We are moving ahead in another area-Ray's vision. We visited with our eye doctor this week. Tests were and will continue to be done to help the doctor to formulate the right plan for my husband. It is such a comfort to know that this doctor doesn't simply know eyes, but Papa too!

On the twentieth of this month Ray is scheduled for another EMG. This is a test of the nerves in his arm. It will be more than interesting to learn the results of this test, as Ray has been gaining a little more movement in his hand. This is very unexpected according to the doctors and therapists. Nerves do not generally come back and if they do, it is at a very slow rate. His progress is not slow by medical standards!

A week from this Saturday I and my family in New York are walking in a fundraiser that Sara had helped start. It is called the Sunrise Fund and it is for children with cancer. This year's walk is in Sara's memory. The Cancer Society's walk that is happening this coming weekend is less personal and since I cannot go to New York both weekends I am choosing to participate in the later walk. Papa has already lined up the help that is needed on this homefront so that I can go down on Friday. The walk begins at 7:30 AM the following morning.

Though I may not feel like I am getting as much "alone time" with Papa as I like, it has occurred to me that every moment of my every day is a Papa moment. I and my family are snug in His Hands and He is caring for our every need. What a humbling realization!
Now if I can just stay out of my head and stay focused on those Hands!

Potluck!

Five o'clock Sunday evening came and the door bell rang. It rang five different times. Apart from one couple I had no idea who would be standing on the other side of my door. It was such fun to be surprised!


The ten chairs around our table were filled yesterday evening with Ray and I, along with eight friends!
There was such an array of delicious dishes to choose from and we got to keep the leftovers! Hey, this potluck idea isn't bad! Our family concurs!

It was a joy for me to observe everyone sitting around sharing life and a meal; getting to know one another better. Papa is all about relationships and I am sure He was enjoying the scene too!

There was a downside.
It so typical forn't me to anticipate something with such great pleasure, but be taken by surprise by some negative element and have that feeling dashed.

Let me explain. The potluck was Papa's idea. It hadn't occurred to me until I had written the invitation in one of my posts. That doesn't mean that it isn't something I would do, but just that Papa instigated the thought.
Since it was His idea and such a good one I expected it to be a completely positive experience. It even worked into Papa's intention to have people around Ray too.

My honey didn't agree. No one else knew that. Well, I guess they do now, if they are reading this!
My honey kept giving me hard looks and was very short with me. He didn't like the disruption! I felt deflated. A cry would have felt good. I was disappointed.

After everyone left I mused over Ray's reaction. It seems Papa was not surprised and this was part of the plan. What?!
The thought came to me that Ray is seeing himself as an invalid that needs to be catered to. Ah ha!
My honey and I had a little talk. Life is not going to stop and I intend to live it. He should too! This is our life and we need to make the most of it!

Through this experience a few thoughts tried to take hold in my mind and if I had let them they would have worked their way into my heart. They were "poor me" kind of thoughts. No way!

Papa reminded me that this struggle is more than just a flesh and blood one, but is spiritual in nature. The mind is one of the battlegrounds. It is critical that "every thought be taken captive to the obedience of Christ."

So we are on for another potluck next month! Next time I will not let anything cheat me out of the joy of having others join my life and open theirs to me also. I just need to let Papa see to it!

Papa continues to bring refreshment to this heart of mine.
I thought I'd pass it along.

Ever feel like your prayers are going no further than the ceiling? They don't need to go any further! He is right here!
"We need never shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts." A W Tozer

Checkout the fourth chapter of Deuteronomy, the thirty-ninth verse: He is God! He is LORD! There is no other!
This God loves me and enjoys my company!!

In the first chapter of Romans we learn that our God gives each of us every opportunity to know Him. It is our choice. If we do not choose to take advantage of what we are offered, we will face the consequences. When we do not allow God to fill the void in our lives, we will become emptier and undone. That which seeks to rush in and "fill" us does not satisfy for long, but instead destroys.

I get this picture of real life teeming around us. It is out of sight, but actually more real than what we see. It is His Kingdom. When we settle for that which we can see, we cheat ourselves out of such an amazing gift.
In C S Lewis' final book in his Narnia series, "The Last Battle", the final scene depicts what I am trying to say.
The struggle between good and evil had just come to the point of evil appearing to be prevailing and all those who would not follow were trapped in an old, dirty, dark barn. The tables turn when Aslan (Christ figure) appears. The barn walls fall and instead of darkness and evil surrounding them they encounter beauty. Grassy hills, bright sun, birds singing and Aslan calling to His people to follow Him. "Come up higher!" That was His cry to them.
Nearly everyone responded by pursuing Him. Everyone but the dwarfs. From the moment they entered the barn they had sat in a circle by themselves saying over and over, "The dwarfs are for the dwarfs."
They were so closed off to anything or anyone else that they took no notice of the transformation of their surroundings.
They refused to take notice and to them they were still trapped in that old barn. The book ends with them still there, never taking hold of the true reality.
My God is not sitting in wait to judge and punish. No, He eagerly waits for us to be receptive to all the blessings that are piled up just waiting to be received!
The greatest blessing being Himself!

Papa has been speaking to me about faithfulness.
To keep a commitment one needs to be faithful. Will I be faithful to that which I have committed myself?
Faithfulness starts with the small things. Jesus said that if we are faithful in the little things we will be faithful in the big stuff. You see if we practice being faithful in the day-to-day living it will be easier for us to stay faithful when the big things come and there is no doubt that they will!
Fear can get in our way of keeping on that track. We need to take courage!
David Jeremiah commented on this. "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is persevering in spite of the fear."
It is a choice, as usual. I choose to commit myself to something and determine to be faithful. When the fear rises up I find courage, not in myself and my commitment, but in the One Who called me to the path. I don't wait for the fear to leave, but cling to my God and find courage, because of Who He is.
While reading in Hosea today I found more about faithfulness. It is something the LORD looks for in His people. Loyalty is another word for it.
Hosea was God's prophet, thus he was His spokesman. God's people were not faithful. What was the cause of this condition? The absence of knowledge. They did not know their God intimately, nor had they given themselves to the study of His Word. This lack leads not only to unfaithfulness, but ruin!
Very sobering.
But before I could start down the path of how short I fall and what a wretch I am Papa turned me to another passage.
In the first chapter of Ephesians I read from The Message, "How blessed is God! And what a blessing He is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in Him. Long before He laid down earth's foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by His love. Long, long ago He decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure He took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son."

What faithfulness! What commitment! He chooses to bless us and make us His own, not because of anything we have done, but just because He loves us. He planned it all before there was even a planet called Earth!
That life verse of mine from First Thessalonians come to mind. "Faithful is He who called you, Who also will do it!"
All I have to do is hang on to Him. Even the strength to do that comes from Him. What a comfort!

Today both Ray and I needed that reminder. My honey has been experiencing quite a bit of pain in his arm. He's been very uncomfortable. For the first time since coming home from Glendale he asked for something to help with the pain.
It is a great comfort to know that our God, who has not left us yet, is totally faithful and will carry us through this and whatever else comes our way.

I am eager to see who He brings to our door tomorrow at five in the evening. What part of His body will be pulling up chairs and joining our life? Who will be gathering together to share in the joy of belonging?
No matter who does come, may each one find encouragment to continue on in faithfulness, confident that He will do it!

I'm back and rested, for the moment. Rested, but distracted. My cat, Chloe, just jumped up on my lap, or I should say clawed her way up onto my lap and expects my undivided attention. She expects me to use both hands while petting her and is not pleased that they are occupied with this keyboard.
The thought just hit me that my cat is not the only thing that can distract me and demand all of my attention. Some of the things are external, but not all of them.

The external stuff is easier to dispense with than the flotsom that takes up residence in my head and heart. Things like paperwork and housework can be dealt with and even, at times, delegated, but clearing out the internal junk takes more energy, unless....

Unless I ask for help. My God is always ready to help. How does He help me? He reminds me of what is true.

Some of the thoughts that like to lodge in my brain say things such as; "Is that the best you can do?" "What are your REAL motives?" "What is going to happen if Ray doesn't regain his strength?" "How will you make it on disability?" "You think your lifestyle has changed now?"

How do I answer those and many other questions? I cry, "Papa!" And He answers with assurances of His love. I am reminded that I am free in Him. Free of guilt and fear. He answers me with Truth; He began a good work in me and He will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus! That's one reminder from Him.
He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith. His Truth took root in my heart because He had prepared it, not because of anything I had done.
He has a good plan for my life. A plan to give me a future and a hope, not to bring calamity!
He tells me to call to Him and He will tell me great and mighty things, which I do not know!
All these are promises from His Word, promises waiting to be believed and taken personally.
Balm for the anxious soul.

I discovered something new from one of Jesus' parables that I was reading the other day. The parable of the soils.
The disciples were the only ones who asked Jesus to explain the meaning of this parable. Out of all the people who had sat and listened to Him no one else sought to understand what He meant by the story. I had never thought about this before.
What does this mean to me? That when I want to understand and learn more of His ways and how to live this life He is more than willing to help me. I need but ask. He wants me to understand.
James tells us that if need wisdom I need but ask.

So I don't need to be distract. I need to simply be focused on my God. He has it all in hand and will gladly show me the way.
It always amazes me how everything falls into place as I turn my eyes and heart fully to Him!

For the last hour and a half I have been trying to ignore the fact that I am not falling asleep. Usually I lay down and fall asleep talking to Papa. The conversation is most often very brief, however, now and again the night arrives when it continues for hours. The question of why I am not sleeping keeps arising.
Am I suppose to be praying for someone? Is there something we need to discuss? Did that tea have any caffeine in it?
No, no and no.
There does not seem to be a pattern to my sleeplessness. No full moon. No biological reason either.

I wonder could it be that I couldn't have packed more into this particular day if I had tried? Could it be, in part, the fact that I kept finding one more thing to do until it suddenly was ten o'clock at night?

Monday was a full day without any help from me. Ray had an appointment at Gaylord's brace clinic to assess what adjustments needed to be done to his leg brace. Before that we had to do his PT and OT at home and stop at the lab for a blood test.
Of course, all of that was after we got up, dressed and ate breakfast. A very time consuming process these days!
Before we headed out I squeezed in a little Pilates (I am determined to exercise!) and made us lunch to have on our travels.

There were a couple of other stops that preceeded anything else, which actually took a lot less time than anticipated. This meant that we could stop at the mall on the way to Gaylord. Ray waited in the car while I ran in to find a couple of pairs of jeans for him.

As I shopped I was thinking about the extra expenses we have had due to the accident. One area is clothing. When Ray entered Gaylord I was told that he would be dressed everyday, so would I kindly bring in clothing that was extra large. Since he was not mobile back then, he would be dressed while lying in bed. Large clothing made it much easier to dress him.
Fast forward to the present. Ray's regular jeans would fit though a little loosely, however, he cannot do buttons or snaps and even zippers are a challenge. Thus we have been using the pants that he wore in the hospital. They are elastic waisted with a draw string. Being a larger size than he needs they are extremely baggy. This means they do not like to stay up unless the string is tied. This also means that Ray is dependent upon one of us, usually me, to tie them numerous times a day.
Since our goal is for him to be as self-sufficient and independent as possible, it seemed a good idea to find pants that aided that goal.
Mission accomplished!

There we sat waiting to be called for our appointment. It was a good half an hour before that happened. I have sat longer than that for many a medical appointment, yet it felt very long this time, because we sat at Gaylord where they are so prompt in every other area.
The woman facing us, who was on her cell phone the entire time and happened to have a large voice, didn't help matters!

By the time our turn came I had a miserable headache. This was, in part, due to the fact that I had been trying to sandwich in a visit to my chiropractor to no avail for a full week. I was headed to him to after Gaylord, but it never happened as the brace appointment was much longer than I anticipated.
Oh well.

The result of Ray's appointment was a reduced brace! It was cut down to stop below his knee. Originally the brace went up to the top of his thigh. Progress!

Every now and then the longing for my husband, as he had been, overtakes me. Yesterday, I asked him for a hug while he was standing in front of me. He complied, as best he could. It was all I could do to hold back the tears.
I miss so much. So much that I took for granted. His strength and energy. His quick wit. His mind that never turned off. It used to make me crazy! I had told him that science would have a true challenge if he donated that brain to them. He was always thinking; calculating, planning, anticipating and on and on.
I do see glimpses of the Ray I knew, but in such a diminished way. What encourages me is that he is still in therapy and I am certain that they would not be working with him if they did not expect results.
I also know that with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) things take time. They have told me that the most dramatic progress is made in the first six months, but the brain also heals at its own rate and that means a year or beyond will bring continued healing.

Let's get back to the overfilled day. I'll let you in on a little something about me. Yes, there are many things I still haven't revealed! This lady blogger can get a little crazed at times.
I love order in my nest. Over the years I have relaxed, but an occasional slip happens.

Here's an example of the unreformed me. I like lists. I like checking things off my list. Before learning to relax a little I was known to add something after it has been accomplished just so I could check it off.
On one of those lists of years gone by I had detailed all I intended to accomplish for the day. Yes, intended, not hoped! Among the usual household duties and errands, and there were many, I had written "reupholster couch". That was not "begin to", but "complete it!"
Even back then I had to shake my head at myself.

Every Autumn, as soon as the weather begins to grow cooler, I batten down the hatches; close the storm windows, hang the heavier curtains, get out warmer blankets and clothing, etc. I know I am not alone in this practice. I just wonder how many try to do it all in one day??!!

No I didn't get it all done, but not for lack of trying!
So I think that the reason that I am still awake at two in the morning is that I am too wound up.

It's time to unwind. For me there is only one place to go to make this happen.
Yes, putting the focus on my God alone. I realize that, in part, my busyness is an attempt to be in control.
It is, as always, an illusion. Control, that is. He alone has the power to control.
Whatever we are grasping for will never satisfy, if what we are after isn't the Living God. Nothing satisfies our souls apart from Him. He is the one thing we need and truly what our hearts and souls long for. Rich Mullins said Jesus was his one thing. Me too! When we have Him, we have everything.
In Romans eight verse eighteen we are reminded that no matter what this life brings, whether it be difficult circumstances where our emotions run the gamut, in the end we win! Yes, in the end we do win, but in the meantime, in Him, we can live loved.

There is so much to distract us from that which is most important, most vital. I am reminded of the need to keep focused. Slice of Infinity's commentary for October fourth addresses the issue of just how distracted our society has become. It is a worthwhile read!
Proverbs two urges us to receive and treasure His Word. We are urged to cry for, lift our voices, seek and search for more of Him and His treasures. We will gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding. It all comes from Him, as He is the source of all that is good and true.

So when I have a crazy day I don't have to beat myself up. When I have a sleepless night, I don't have to fight it or worry how tomorrow will be affected.
No, as His well-loved girl, who desires more of Him, I can climb up onto His lap, curl up and rest. Maybe sleep will follow. Maybe not, but I do know that He has His reasons and that He will take care of tomorrow.

Yesterday, once again, I had the privilege of spending time with my friends at a drug/alcohol rehab in Waterbury. I have been hanging out there for over nine years and dearly missed my visits this past six months or so. Now that we have a bit of a routine in place and dear friends who like to spend time with my honey, I am back to my old ways!

Prior to my visits Papa usually gives me something to share with the dear ones who have found themselves in such a place. The topic I was given was "Turning it over." Another way to put this would be "Let go and let God."

How do you turn something over to someone you don't know very well? How do you know whether you can trust them or not? I posed these questions to my listeners.
My answer? You can't, not really. It takes faith in the person. Even if the person is God.

We have all formed our view of who God is through our experiences and what others have told us or modeled for us. Much of it is very distorted.

If we want to know a person, we need to spend time with them. It takes developing a relationship. In time their character is revealed.
Papa is all about relationship. He already knows us and longs for us to know Him and to willingly open ourselves up to Him.
As this relationship develops it becomes easier to trust Him.

It has become more and more evident to me that I need to stick closely to Papa. There is too much in me and the world to trip me up!
A verse in John's first epistle underscored this fact for me.
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world."
Once we are walking with the LORD our pride can easily trip us up!
"Oh, how spiritual I am! "How very strong I am!" We can feel as if we have "arrived." All lies, but so easy to get drawn into. We want others' approval; we want recognition. All things that do not last.
In my journal I noted that it is essential that I remember that I am human and thus fallible. I need to keep the One who is God in focus. For the minute that I am feeling superior or independent I am on the way down for a fall!

In His Word there are numerous directions as to what it takes to stay close to Him and walking a life of victory instead of defeat. Seeking Him in prayer and in His Word are keys to such a life. We are also strongly encouraged to hang out, not only with Him, but with each other.

I am of the opinion that His church is not a building, nor is it necessarily in a particular place. It is where His people are gathered. It only takes two or more.
The first century church met in different homes to share meals and share what their God was doing and teaching them. It is on my heart to start doing that.
Brennan Manning calls it "table fellowship." It's hospitality at its best.
Many years ago I read a book by Karen Burton Mains entitled "Open Heart, Open Home." She compared entertaining with hospitality. Entertaining is just what it is. We run ourselves ragged to 'entertain' our guests. While hospitality is saying "pull up a chair and join my life." I have chosen the latter for years.

At this point I want to become more deliberate in being hospitable. I want to start with just once a month opening our home for a meal to whomever would like to come. It will be potluck. (I love surprises!)
So to all who are reading this and live within driving distance come on over at five o'clock on October tenth! If you feel uncomfortable just 'popping in' you can email me at giraffelady1@charter.net. To those who live further, stop in anytime that you are passing through the area! Yes, pull up a chair and join our life!